I was in yoga tonight and had this great idea for a blog, and then by the time I got home, fed the cats, and sat down…well, it’s a little watered down in my brain. Today has been a big day of reflection with the Full Moon in Scorpio. I don’t know much about astrology, but I’m definitely starting to learn. All my card pulls today showed new beginnings, rebirth, letting go of old beliefs and patterns, out with the old and in with the new. So naturally, I set my intention on my mat to release the old and then while in savasana, memories from the weekend started to filter in.
I’ve been realizing more and more that our journey on earth is truly for our soul’s growth. It is our journey and ours alone. Of course, we cross paths with others but we are not here for other people just like other people are not here for us. Some people will be in our lives forever and some will be in our lives for a season. Ego wants to tell us who should be in our life and how long they should be there.
Every relationship we have with another person is an assignment and there is a growth opportunity with every single person we come into contact with. It is up to us, though, whether we choose to learn the lesson or not. Ever think to yourself, “Man, why does this shit keep happing to me?” or “Why do I meet the same people all the damn time?” It’s you, love. You have an assignment you’re not learning. Sometimes it’s stubbornness and sometimes it’s just straight up not knowing Universal Law. So let me save you the trouble…you have a lesson to learn with EVERY single person who comes into your life. Nothing is someone else’s fault, it’s yours. Of course, they have their own lesson to learn from you but that’s none of your business. Yours is the only one you need to worry about.
What makes it challenging, though, is at the end of a relationship when you’ve figured out your assignment and have catapulted into your growth and you look back and don’t just see the person you still love in the same place, but they’ve somehow catapulted backwards. It’s heart-wrenching, actually. When you were in the relationship, you were flailing and they were the stable one. They were the source of your happiness for so long and all you can think is, “They’re gonna be so excited to hear the news. I love myself! I figured it out! I no longer need someone else to make me happy. I’m finally capable of a healthy relationship.” Instead of them being happy for you, you hear, “Your happiness is drowning me.”
In that moment, you feel in limbo. Ego wants you to let go of your happiness, depend on your former partner again, and say, “Never mind.” Your soul can’t. Once your soul has made that growth, it can’t forget it. Not to mention, they’ve gone so far back that they’re not even the same person they were when you met so now, you feel like two strangers on completely different paths who deeply love each other and no matter how badly your heart wants it, you’re stuck in a maze you can’t find each other in. You have no choice but to keep walking forward, knowing they’ll either grow and catch up…or they won’t.
It’s hard to not be able to be there for someone who was so committed to being there for you during so much of your growth. You had someone who loved you so unconditionally and the only way to repay them is to love them from afar and pray they’ll understand their assignment at some point. But then, they blame you. “Your growth happened on my back” and maybe it did, but there are always two people in a relationship with two different assignments. Each person is responsible for their own assignment.
So as I sit here on the evening of an energetically intense Full Moon and reflect on the new beginnings, my rebirth, what to let go of; it’s time to release that relationship. Ego wants to hold on. Ego wants to tell me I’ll never find another love like that one. My soul knows it’s not done. My soul knows there’s more to learn. My intuition is strong and never leads me astray, but my soul is gently leading me away forcing me to release my energetic grip. All I hear is, “I know. I know you know, but you can’t learn his lesson for him. If not in this lifetime, then you’ll reconnect in another to finish your karma. But for now, you have a life to live.”