Today was the first day in awhile that the fog of the funk I’ve been in started to lift. I’ve started to find the positives of being on my own for 2 months (yes, it’s a stretch but there are ALWAYS positives, right?)
*When I got divorced, I couldn’t wait to live on my own and not have someone around all the time
*I’ve been wanting to work on a book this year, but didn’t feel like I had enough material to write daily…now I do!
*I will get back into the routine of going to bed earlier
*If I want, I can workout in the morning without waking anyone up
*Girly beauty regiments that no girl enjoys doing around men….like facial masks
*I’ll go to yoga more often
*I’ll focus more time on my business
Today I went to the grocery store and decided to pick up some flowers for myself just because. When I came home, I spent hours in the kitchen making mayonnaise, chicken salad, turkey sausage and cashew milk. I danced, sang and had a great afternoon! The key will be to focus on all the things that bring me joy and DO THEM.
This week’s work is on self-love. What perfect timing, right? It’s also full of reminders that we create our reality and are responsible for what happens in our life. This morning we had a Course in Miracles prayer:
“I am responsible for what I see.
I choose the feelings I experience and I decide upon the good I would achieve.
And, everything that happens to me I asked for, and receive as I have asked.”
I read another quote the other day that really hit home: “Everything you’re going through is preparing you for what you asked for.”
I’ve wanted to know how to be independent while in a relationship. I’ve wanted to have a reason to write. I want to be working towards a book by the end of the year. I want someone in my life who has drive and is working towards something. As much as my world felt turned upside down with the news of Kenya and as much as I DON’T want to be left for 8 weeks, there WILL be good things that come out of this.
Tonight’s exercise is all about self-reflection. I’m glad I took an extra day for reflection because otherwise, I don’t think I would have been in a good enough head space to complete it tonight.
1. How have I been unkind to myself?
I have a negative tape running in my head at all times:
*I’m not going to be successful
*I’ll always live paycheck to paycheck
*This relationship will inevitably end
I have sabotaged my health journey to a point that I believe I’ll never get to my goal weight and size. As soon as I start to do well, I emotionally eat again or think, “I’ve done enough, I can treat myself.” I have allowed others to take advantage of me and treat me unkindly.
2. How have I been playing small?
I downplay my achievements. When someone compliments me, I deflect it. I allow others to believe my business is a small, nothing, “hobby” of a business instead of sharing my vision and speaking with confidence.
3. What is the negative story I have created about myself?
I am an overweight unlovable woman who always gets taken advantage of. I will always be in debt and living paycheck to paycheck because there’s no reason to believe my life would be any different.
4. How have I abused myself with my thoughts or actions?
I allow myself to make excuses about having a sweet tooth. I allow others to influence when I drink and how much I drink. My thoughts tell me I’ll never be fit and have abs and my actions have created my reality.
This story is old. I’ve been telling myself the same damn story for 34 years. It’s time to change. During my 2 months to myself, I WILL write a new story. I AM capable and confident. I will be healthy, fit, successful and will achieve all the goals I set for myself this year and more than I could even imagine! I am worth it and nobody else has the power over my story besides me.
What story are YOU telling yourself? Do you believe it or are you ready to write a new story?