When I became a coach, I wouldn’t say I was openly spiritual. I saw the coaches who read religious books, quoted the bible, prayed and it kind of made me want to gag a bit. I grew up in the church; my dad is a retired minister but I knew religion was just never for me. My dad used to always tell me he thought I was spiritual and even with that, I would roll my eyes.

Over my 2 years of coaching, I have begun to dive in deeper to spirituality. I now thank the Universe for lessons I have learned and all the things in my life I am grateful for. With that, though, I still haven’t been very open about my spiritual journey. I recently started doing EFT tapping and I invested in a money manifesting course. I am realizing more how living in gratitude keeps my vibrations high, manifesting more good into my life.

While on our cruise, I had some amazing heart-to-heart conversations with some of my ladies. We talked about spirituality, mala beads, yoga (my religion) and Gabrielle Bernstein. I decided to read May Cause Miracles and go through the guide…including the journaling. I’ve journaled through all kinds of things, but I’ve never shared my journey so openly so here I go…

Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real

I live in fear all. the. time. I fear not having enough money. I fear being judged. I fear being left. I fear outgrowing my partner. I fear outearning my parents. So what happens when you choose love over fear? I’m not sure yet.

Day 1:

What experiences trigger my fear?

Anything that causes me to feel out of control…as in, I have a lack of control over the situation. I feel the most fear in relationships. What if I’m unlovable? What if I’m not good enough? What if he thinks I’m crazy? What if I push him away? What if I get left again? What if I miss all the red flags? What if..? What if…? What if…? I can’t control anyone, nor do I want to. However, when I feel I have no control over a specific situation and I have to “go with the flow”, all of a sudden all kinds of stories are created in my mind and I expect (or fear) the worst.

What thoughts trigger my fear?

The thought of:
-looking at my bank account
-having to go places alone
-not knowing what to expect
-going through another breakup

What are the feelings that come up for me when I am in fear?

When I’m in fear, I have complete lack of motivation. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to be productive, I don’t want to be positive or “look on the bright side of things”. When I’m in fear, there is no silver lining. More often than not, I end up having a meltdown that ends in sobbing.

How does fear affect my behavior?

I procrastinate…big time. I could wake up feeling the most productive EVER and as soon as fear sets in, I lose all motivation and my to-do list just sits there…

Today is the end of day 1 and I know the plan is to end the evening with meditation. I purchased her guided meditation to accompany the book so I could just plug in my headphones and do it before bed. I know this journey won’t be pretty, but I look forward to seeing where I end up at the end of 40 days.

Are you on this journey with me? I’d love to hear how your experience is going!

To all my fellow fighters, let’s keep choosing love over fear…