I started this affirmation on Saturday and then went out of town and am back to revisit it today. Saturday was a tough day emotionally and by the end of the night, I was so absolutely drained. Being out of town on Sunday, away from “life”, was exactly what I needed. Richard and I spent the day eating, wine tasting and shopping. Today it was back to working through my shit again.
Before I left, I found out 2 of my friends and business partners decided to join forces, join teams and continue on their journey together. Even writing this, I feel embarrassed by my feelings and the “they don’t want to play with me” mentality. On Saturday I was heartbroken. Today, I tried to pull up my big girl panties and have a video chat with my former success partner about how I could help her transition her team and still guide her as her leader. I put on the “leader hat”, put on the smile and got through it. As I saw the team page they created together and the new team name, my heart sank. At one time, there were 3 of us and it very quickly felt like I was left out and now there were 2. All I could do was think back to my childhood. I’m the youngest sibling and the only girl. There were so many times I wanted to play with my brothers and I even had a genuine interest in what they were doing, but it was made very clear that I couldn’t be with them. So many times, I would sulk up the stairs, crying, and tell my mom, “They don’t want to play with me” and I would end up in my room playing alone. This feels very similar to that.
“Today I am grateful for who I am. I am grateful for the air I breathe, for the food I eat, for the place I lay my head down at night. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and for the process I am in. I am grateful for my willingness to change my mind and choose love over fear. My gratitude for myself fills me with joy and unleashes my miracle mind.”
I know there is an amazing lesson to be learned here and I am grateful. First, I’m grateful for all the little things in my life. I’m grateful for an amazing partner in my life. I’m grateful to have a loving supportive family. I’m grateful for the opportunity to work from home and live a healthy lifestyle. I’m grateful I’ve learned enough about my body to not be bloated and in pain. I’m grateful to be surrounded by amazing, loving friends. I’m grateful I get to laugh on a daily basis and live a life I love.
Most of all, I’m grateful for having the opportunity to help and lead 2 friends to the point that they decided to branch off and fly on their own…together. It may not be how I imagined it and there may be some emotions to get through, but I have to find the positives in this. I am capable of empowering women to the point they no longer need me in the same way. Isn’t that what I wanted? I wanted to help my coaches become independent. Sometimes you just don’t know what that will feel like until it happens.
My job there is done and now it’s time to focus on my next group of upcoming leaders. I imagine it never gets any easier to not be needed anymore but hopefully in time, I learn a healthier way to deal with it.