I’m sitting here knowing I need to share this story because SOMEBODY needs to hear it, and yet feeling all kinds of resistance to be open, raw, and real. Hence, the candy corn I devoured before I started typing. #progressnotperfection
I’ve been trying to blog on a more regular basis because most of my in-depth thoughts are just too long for Facebook, so I end up trying to water down some of my posts. For those of you who have been following me a bit, you know I started on my spiritual journey a little before Richard left for Kenya in June. I had a tarot reading by one of my friends who told me, “Your root chakra is blocked and you will never attract abundance if it stays blocked. Your next path is your spiritual journey.” Yep! Ok…got it! So I started going to church (and then stopped when travel got busy), meditated, started A Course in Miracles, etc. But….it still hasn’t become a total routine. As in, I have a checklist I look at multiple times daily to make sure I do what I need to do, including meditation and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping.
Last week, I was texting with a friend who is extremely intuitive and she said, “You need to get your chakras balanced. Like, I don’t really know why but I’m getting a really strong message that you should.” That night I made an appointment for the following Monday to see what this was all about.
On Monday, I walked to my appointment and was led downstairs. I was asked, “What brings you here today?” I don’t really know how you answer that question when you don’t even know what you’re really getting yourself into. All I could do was be honest, “Well, I had a tarot reading a few months ago and I was told my root chakra was blocked and then I was referred by a friend’s intuition to come here today. Other than that, I’m in a newer relationship and trying to balance having a voice and being too stubborn.” She smiled and told me to lie down on the table, then she called in her angels and mine and I found my thoughts teetering between, “Wow, this is going to be so amazing” and “this is fucking crazy.”
She started with my throat chakra and told me my energy was totally blocked. No shocker. I figured my energy was blocked everywhere, which was probably why it was necessary for me to go. As she worked with my energy, she sprayed some aromatherapy spray and asked me to breathe in the color blue. “What are you noticing about your energy? Are you feeling anything?” “Yeah, I feel a tightness here” as I pointed below where she was working, near my sternum. “Ok, now breathe out, what color do you see?” “Yellow.” “Interesting, that’s the color of that chakra.”
As she moved down, she started to work on my solar plexus chakra. Shocker, that one was blocked too! She felt my energy and started to have me work on really feeling who I am at my core. She said she was needing to tell me that I am worthy. I’m worthy because I am; because I exist. “There’s nothing you need to do to be worthy. You are worthy because you are a child of God.” Then she continued with, “You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.” That’s when I began to cry. My whole life I have felt like I needed to prove myself. I needed to prove I was capable of getting my first job. I needed to prove I was capable of succeeding in college after flunking out. I needed to prove that my intuition was right to move from one city to another even though in intellectually made no sense. I needed to prove myself to my ex husband when I quit my full time job to coach full time, even though I wasn’t making a full time income yet.
Throughout the rest of the session, I had this calming sense of myself and a confident feeling of “it’s ok to be me.” She assured me that my intuition is correct. If I’m feeling the urge to create, I need to do just that. “You are here for a purpose and the world needs you.”
A few days after my chakra balancing, I felt the urge to be done with my part-time nanny position. It hadn’t done for me financially what I thought it would, and I was missing my passion of being home full-time to help others through coaching. Without much thinking, I opened up my Google Calendar and deleted all my nanny dates past November 10th. In that moment, I decided I was done. I told my friends and Richard and said, “I know it doesn’t make sense logically, but it’s time for me to be done.” I’ve been asking the Universe for signs that this is the right choice and it has been loud and clear.
This is the beginning of my next chapter where I stop being afraid to be myself. I stop being afraid of what others will think. I stop being afraid of being judged and I go big. The world needs my gifts and I have a ton to offer others.