The ending of my most recent relationship was not what I wanted. I found myself often thinking or saying to friends and family, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. It wasn’t supposed to end.” The perk (and downside) of having friends who are also deep in their personal growth journey is that you’re often reminded of what you need to hear (even when you don’t want to). “Anne, it was supposed to happen this way because it did.” “Anne, you did the best you could in that moment. You did the best you could with what you had.”
After 2 months of being on a break, breaking up, having boundaries blurred, false hope, and a constant up and down roller coaster…it was coming to an end. I was facing his last night in our apartment, and all I felt was failure. I felt like I had failed us. I felt like I had failed myself. I felt like I had failed staying committed to having the most loving breakup possible. It finally, truly felt broken.
As I dove into Gabby that day, she quoted Kenneth Wapnick and it was exactly what I needed to hear in the moment I felt hopeless. “We should be grateful for all situations that make us most uncomfortable, because without them we could not know there was something unhealed in us.” It was supposed to happen this way because it did.
Reflecting back on the relationship, I do not believe I am a truly codependent person. I believe it was a relationship where 2 people didn’t truly love themselves and tried desperately to love the other person. It’s really easy to have fake confidence for a little bit, until you start to let the other person truly see who you are and where your holes are.
“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you’.” -Maya Angelou
As he left early the next morning, I felt space and peace as I woke up and started my morning routine. Over the last couple days, I have begun to find myself again and I am constantly reflecting on what I learned from the relationship. I refuse to let this relationship be a waste and I sure as hell do NOT want this lesson from the Universe again. I am determined to use this breakup to launch me into the best possible version of myself.
So far, this is what I have learned:
*Even though I was SO much more myself than in any other relationship, I still lost a piece of myself.
*Someone else thinking I’m amazing cannot replace myself thinking I’m amazing.
*No one will ever believe in me as much as I do, and if they do it still doesn’t matter.
*I am truly blessed to be the one walking away with the most incredible friends and family.
*There are few things more peaceful than drinking coffee while on a meditation pillow, looking out the window.
*Sleeping alone is actually kind of awesome: all the room, no snoring, and I get the cats to myself.
*Cooking for myself is stress-free.
*I enjoy the peacefulness of living alone.
*It is never my fault for how someone feels.
*I truly understand how to create my own happiness.
*My ego might be effing crazy, but I now know how to pinpoint when I’m having an ego attack.
*I’m the only person who needs to embrace my woo-woo.
*I am not responsible for someone else’s unhappiness.
*You cannot want change for someone more than they want it for themselves.
*There is nothing wrong with me. I may not be a fit for someone, but that doesn’t make me wrong.
*The love within a relationship was real. I may never know the truth about certain things, but I felt love, deeply, and therefore it was real.
*Sometimes people come into our lives for a season. Their purpose was never to stay, their purpose was to teach. It is painful and we will try to bargain with God or the Universe to make it different. We must learn to release and stop praying for an outcome. Always pray for the highest good.
*Always, always, always trust the Universe has your back.