In my virtual classroom, I coach through song lyrics. Today I used the song I’ll Find You by Lecrae.
As I was sharing my story, I kept hearing, “You need to share this publicly” and yet, I didn’t want to just copy and paste what I shared with them because they get a different raw and real version of me.
So here I am trying to share this in a way that feels authentic, knowing someone reading this needs to hear exactly what I have to say.
You know I live on the road.
You know I took a leap of faith in July to do so.
You’ve seen the struggles and the highlights, but to some, I may look like Wonder Woman who has some kind of superhuman strength.
There’s more to the story.
I was supposed to be in Mississippi for 3 weeks and I stayed for 8 months. I stayed out of fear.
I was taught to have months of income saved up before quitting jobs, moving to a new place, making big life changes, etc.
Selling all your shit and living on the road is not something people in my family did so I didn’t have a blueprint for what that looked like or what I was supposed to do.
I just kept hearing fear, “You can’t leave. You don’t have enough saved up.”
I gave into the fear, hardcore. With that fear came some of the worst financial struggles of my life. What happens when you focus on fear, worry, and worst-case-scenarios? They manifest in your reality.
I was working with a coach at the time who had done something similar and she kept saying, “You’re safe. You’re supported. It’s safe to move forward.” But I didn’t believe her. So I stayed in Mississippi. Frozen in fear and watching my worst-case-scenarios come to life.
October to mid-January were some of the darkest months of my life. Friends and family knew, but I refused to talk about it because I finally decided I was done talking about “what is”.
I decided for the first time in my life to really go inward in a way I never had before and get to know God.
I woke up almost every morning with fear and anxiety waiting for me.
When the uncertainty and pressure refused to let up, I consistently broke down into tears.
I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I pulled away from friends because I had to. I was deep in the dark night of the soul. I knew there was nothing anyone could say to me that would help me.
This was between me and God.
I knew there was a God. I believed in him/her/it. But I didn’t have the faith, yet, that the rug wouldn’t be pulled out from under me.
At the beginning of April, when I was prepping to leave, one more huge wave of contrast stared me straight in the face and I had a come to Jesus moment with God. I prayed for clarity and clarity came in the middle of a live meditation in my virtual classroom.
It was in that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. I still had no clue how, but I told God I would continue to listen and trust if he/she/it would continue to support me and keep me safe.
To you, I may look like a woman with superhuman strength.
I’m only able to do this BECAUSE of my relationship I built with God.
When I say I know your fears…I know your fears.
When I say it will be okay…it will be okay.
When I say you need to take that leap…take the leap but KEEP MOVING.
The reason showing up for yourself on a body, mind, and soul level is so important is because it is in those moments you meet God, you connect with God, and you trust God.
That is THE relationship in your life that is going to get you through any shit storm you happen to go through.
That is your compass.
That is your light.
Connect to it and follow where it leads you.