Today was a crazy day, as many times Full Moon days are. As a former teacher, I used to hate them because it meant the kids were crazy. Knowing what I know now, I would have incorporated meditation and rituals into the day to help the kids direct their energy. That’s not the point of this blog, though.

This morning, I woke up ready for it to be an amazing day. Today was the first day I was testing out an actual run with my calf that has been semi-injured for the past month. I’ve been testing out some really short run/walk days, but today I wanted to really see how it felt on a longer run. I headed out to explore McComb, MS. I had a route planned and was ready to explore whatever came my way. I did NOT intend to encounter 5 dogs chasing me.

First, I headed through the cemetery (as I had done many mornings before) and although many places I had seen in McComb did not have sidewalks, I was so relieved to see that heading out of the cemetery there were sidewalks on BOTH sides of the street! I headed down Pennsylvania Avenue, starting to get in the zone of how my runs used to feel, when all of a sudden I saw a small dog booking it down the street. I was completely unsure if the dog had gotten loose or what exactly was going on, but it seemed completely free and happy running down the side of the street. Just as I was admiring how carefree that dog was, a dog came up beside me and seemed much less enthusiastic. It was a white, smaller than medium-sized dog, which seemed like it could definitely use a bath. It’s fur was quite dirty, and as it ran alongside me barking, all I could think was, “Please don’t bite my calf. Please don’t bite me.” As if that wasn’t terrifying enough, 4 more dogs came running down the sidewalk after us, barking. These dogs were much smaller than the first dog that seemed to be quite unhappy with my presence. I continued to run down Pennsylvania Avenue, unsure if walking or running was a safer bet. “Could I eventually outrun them? Or would they calm down if I walked?” I started to walk for a bit and no, they were not any calmer by me walking. I crossed to the other side of the street and they followed, barking the whole way. I started to run again and there they were, chasing me and barking. By the time I crossed the second street (a little bit of a larger street), they finally stayed across the street from me and left. Apparently, they were less than pleased that I had come running through their territory.

Once I got home, I spent some time meditating, journaling, and calming down from the intense energy of how my morning started. As with any Full Moon, it became very apparent what in my life needed to be released. This Full Moon was all about relationships and forgiveness. I have been very aware in my life where I am feeling it’s still not okay to be myself, where others are still trying to place me in a box for their own comfort level. The life I’m currently living is completely non-traditional. I notice how uncertain others seem to be in the slightest ways, too, such as when others say, “Have a good trip!” as if I’m spending some time at summer camp or jetting off for a long weekend but will soon be returning to my home. Others are incredibly unsettled by me not being settled. The thing is, I’m not settled from THEIR perspective. I’m actually incredibly settled. My soul is settled. My soul is calm, happy, and joyful. Calm, happy, joyful: that tells me I’m completely in alignment with who I am and what I want.

I don’t want to live an average life. I don’t want to get stuck in the mundane day-to-day get up, do the same shit, “It’s Wednesday night, time to go to yoga”, and then end my evening scrolling Facebook, comparing myself to how everyone else is living their lives. I don’t want to take trips to break up the monotony. What’s wrong with my entire life just being a journey right now? Isn’t that what life is supposed to be anyway? Why are we so quick to have it figured out so we can just be bored as fuck but appear to the outside world like we have our shit together?

I’m sure to others it looks like I’m a hot mess with no fucking clue what I’m doing and I guarantee I’m happier than 100% of the people sitting back and judging what I’m doing.

We all take life so seriously, forgetting that it’s a game. We have forgotten that nothing in life is that serious. Nothing is worth getting that stressed about. Life is not as dangerous as we make it out to be. Even in the moment that I was getting chased by dogs, I knew I was fine. I knew that I was divinely protected and that I would be led to where I needed to go. I mean, I had my Wearsafe on me “in case” something happens while I’m running, but let’s be honest….what were my friends in Chicago going to do (or even my friend here who was at work and wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway) if a dog bit my calf? Nothing.

I guess the point to all of this is: trust yourself. You know what it is you want to do and you don’t need anyone to validate what you already know. Stop putting your life on hold out of fear of what others will think or whether others will approve. No one else knows your calling and what’s in your soul besides you. You can’t inspire others by playing it safe. The amount of creativity that has been flowing through me recently has been incredible. I was feeling stifled in Chicago. If part of my calling is to write books, what a disservice would it be to the world if I listened to the opinions of others?

Go do your thing and let others be amazed by you.

It’s been a week since I left Chicago and I’ve already had so many realizations. Reflecting back on how I lived my life in Chicago vs on the road, I’m realizing more and more how I got so swept up into the day-to-day mundane tasks. What I really wanted was to focus on my writing and my creativity. What ended up happening was I thought of all the things I “should” be doing and I ended up frozen, Facebook scrolling, achieving nothing. There were moments I wanted to just sit back, relax, and read. I ended up reading a page and then getting up and doing mindless tasks around the apartment.

When you’re on the road, there’s no one to really answer to. I’m staying with a friend and of course, I help out around the house. I’ve been helping to cook, do dishes, go grocery shopping during the day, and naturally I do my own laundry. The vibe, though, is completely different. I don’t know exactly what it is except it’s like my soul just keeps saying, “Finally. Finally I have space to breathe. Thank you.”

What I’m also finding to be true is how much I don’t miss my stuff and how much I notice other people’s things and want to get rid of things for them (which probably wouldn’t go over too well). I know why I’ve held onto things for years, but being around other people’s things makes me wonder why they do. What memory is that thing attached to that they’re so afraid of losing if they get rid of the physical item?

Even after dwindling down my entire 2 bedroom apartment to 2 boxes and a cedar chest to store, as well as 3 suitcases, a bin, and some loose stuff that fit into a midsize SUV, I’m realizing how much more I emotionally feel I could get rid of. I still packed things into the car with the “what if” mentality. The thing is, there are very few things that we actually NEED.

Of the things that I brought with me, the amount of things I ACTUALLY use on a daily basis is slim. I use one mug that says “Proceed as if success is inevitable”. I kept other mugs at my parents’ house but do I wake up daily thinking, “Man, I’m really missing that mug!”? Nope. I obviously wear my clothes, but still not as many as I packed. We tend to wear our favorites over and over again and hold onto the other items for “one day” or “just in case” or “when I fit into it again”. Let that shit go and I promise you won’t miss it. I packed a lot of books that I intend to read and then let go of, so that alone will lighten my load along the journey. Some of the bulkiest, heaviest things I brought were my weights, my foam roller, and my yoga mat. I’d love to get rid of them but I actually do use them on a daily basis. It’s not convenient to lug around stackable, heavy AF weights, but I’m grateful I didn’t get rid of them because I actually DO use them. Maybe after I’m done training for the marathon I’ll release the foam roller, but for now it’s definitely coming in handy.

People have mistaken my journey for wanting to live a minimalist lifestyle or wanting to live in a tiny house. I actually don’t have the desire for either. Right now, I’m living a minimalistic lifestyle but I still enjoy having access to more than one who is a minimalist would have in their life. I’m also a huge fan of space. This journey was not about living on as little as possible or cramping myself and my cats into a small space, it was about freedom.

I spend so much less time in my head than I did before. I spend way more time tapping into my soul and what I feel inspired to do next. I feel like for the first time I can really hear what it is I truly want. I feel like I can finally breathe. Even though from the outside looking in, it looks like things are way less “secure”, I feel more secure and taken care of than I have in a really long time. I spend less time with the anxiety grasping my chest and more time believing and trusting anything I desire is possible if I’m willing to take the next step towards it.

I’ve been sitting here, staring at the blank screen and knowing I have words to get out that seem to be stuck in my throat. The last couple days I have noticed irritation in my throat, which to me is a sign that I’m not speaking my truth.

I’m in Minnesota visiting family and as I sit here in my grandma’s condo, looking around at all the family memorabilia, it is the first time that I feel like my body is here but my soul is trying to escape. My soul doesn’t feel at home here, it doesn’t feel recognized. I see my picture hanging on the wall, and yet I don’t recognize the woman in that picture.

I’ve had multiple conversations with others about my upcoming journey and I’m realizing more and more how many people want me to have an end point or only see things as they appear on the surface. My journey is not about getting to California. My journey is not about getting rid of all of my stuff.

My soul has felt suffocated for such a long time and I don’t know how to share that with others who don’t know what that feels like or who haven’t tapped into the depths of themselves in the same way. I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking through these 35 years of my life and it is physically painful to continue to do that.

I have been led to believe there’s something wrong with me. I’m too much. I dream too much. I’m too emotional. I take too many risks. I’m irresponsible. I’m selfish. I’m too in my head. I’m too secluded. The payoff if I fit into someone else’s box? I lose complete contact with my soul and it is excruciatingly painful.

I need the time to drown out the noise of everyone else’s opinion and follow the voice of my soul. I need the space to fully heal from the ending of the most soul crushing break-up to date. When you get to the end of the relationship, everyone has an opinion for you. Most people want you to forget about it and help you find all the reasons why you can do better or why you weren’t a fit for each other. That’s not comforting to me. That relationship was not just what it appeared to be on the surface level. There was a deeper soul connection than I’ve ever felt with anyone before.

It was a relationship where as soon as we met, we felt we had known each other before. It was an immediate connection and a deep love right off the bat. Even 6 months later, through some time of reconnecting, it’s as if no time has passed. How do you heal from a relationship where you know you’ve connected on the deepest soul level and yet you’re being told by your Spirit Guides (through multiple readers), “The door is closed. He was a soulmate, a teacher, but not your life partner.” It’s the first time my ego has been as quiet as it is. For the first time, it feels like my soul and ego are comforting each other through this process.

I truly believe this is why this journey of letting go of every single thing that has ever been familiar to me is so important. I want to strip down as far as I can go. I have a deep desire to release everything and rebuild. I have relied on others for so long. I have listened to the opinions of others and people pleased my entire life. I have lost the connection to myself to be able to hear what I truly, deeply want. I haven’t been able to drown out the noise in order to hear my guides for myself. I have spent year after year going through the motions. This journey is about finding myself, my true self, the depth of myself that I haven’t had the chance to really meet yet. No matter what it looks like on the surface to others, I am unwilling to sacrifice truly meeting myself.

This morning I pulled a card for my personal growth community, Own Your Vibe.

“In the midst of a meltdown, I breathe through the discomfort and come out the other side.” (from Gabby Bernstein’s Miracles Now deck)

What’s going on in your life that you’re trying to control? What’s going on that is causing you anxiety and overwhelm? Let it go. Allow yourself to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. True growth happens in times of true discomfort.

“Sure, Anne. My life feels fucking chaotic and you want me to just trust and let it go?” Yeah. I do.

Life is about doing the shit that scares you. We know what we need to do. Our soul tells us (you know that feeling in your gut? Yeah, that’s the feeling). Our ego (mind) is what talks us out of it. Our ego keeps us in our small, safe box. But safety? Security? It’s all an illusion.

That job? An illusion.
The money? An illusion.
That relationship? An illusion.

None of it matters. Security comes from within. Security comes from your connection to yourself and to God/Spirit/Source/Universe/Love.

The story I held onto for a LONG time is “I hate change”. I mean, I do. My human self is like, “OMG, give me routine, structure, boundaries, expectations I can count on.” But my soul? Oh lord. My soul is all like, “Fuck it allllllll!!!! Let’s change everything as drastically as possible. Flunked out of Iowa? Move to Florida. Done with Florida? Move to Houston and worry about a job later. I hate Houston, move to Chicago!! Married the wrong guy? Yeah, get the hell out of that one. Oh yeah? You already quit your job to run your business and not making a full-time income? Do it anyway! It’ll be totally fine. Heartbroken after your last relationship? Sweet, I’ve got a good one for you…. Get rid of all your shit and travel with your cats.”

I mean…when you put it that way…I can kinda see why my parents freak out every time I have a “fun new idea”. But here’s the thing, shit has ALWAYS worked out for me! And let me tell you, my life is VERY different than it would have been had I chosen to stay in Iowa City and go to the community college there after I flunked out my first year of college.

Am I telling you to stand up right now and say, “Eff this, job I hate, I quit!” No. Am I telling you to walk out on your relationship today? No. I’m asking you to listen to your heart, to your soul. I’m asking you to be open to knowing there is much more to your life than what you currently see in this moment. I’m asking that you not allow fear to hold you back anymore. I’m asking you to ask yourself, “What if?”

What if you followed that little voice instead of listening to the screaming ego that tells you that dream you have is crazy?

It’s not crazy. Your desires are YOURS and they are never crazy.

Others won’t understand why you need to do what you need to do…and they don’t need to understand. Others will try to help you find the “logical” route. Don’t listen.

You’re never stuck.
There’s always another way.
Life is a game, play it. Enjoy it. Love it.
The challenges are there to help you grow. They’re not a punishment.

When you take big risks and big leaps, the Universe will test you to make sure you really want it. The Universe will give you assignments to help you BECOME the person who is capable of handling the dream your soul so badly wants. Are you going to take that next step or are you going to give up and say, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

Breathe through the discomfort.
Center yourself through the chaos.
Know that this too shall pass.
Take one next step when you can’t see the entire path.

Find support in your life from others who are on a similar journey or have done something just as scary.

You’ve got this!

To follow my journey: THE JOURNEY OF LETTING IT ALL GO

This weekend was spent sorting through a bunch of stuff. Do you ever find yourself moving the same shit from place to place, never really ever going through it? I usually am pretty good about going through unnecessary papers and whatnot, but getting rid of all my stuff really caused me to think, “Do I REALLY need to hold onto this filing cabinet anymore or can I downsize?”

I downsized.

I had the perfect box I was going to go through and add my limited papers to. This box was full of all the things my dad had kept throughout my entire life. When I say everything, I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Printed out emails, printed out IM conversations from AOL (I know, right??), letters I sent him as a little girl, letters I sent him in college, notes I wrote in church (he’s now a retired minister), stories I printed on his typewriter at his office, pictures I colored for him, all my recital programs (music AND dance)…..the list goes on and on.

Of course, I didn’t feel the need to hold onto everything but some of the notes totally cracked me up!

“I’m so hot! Church is boring but oh well. I have to come.” -a note written to one of my good friends in church, which was apparently handed to my dad…by me.

What can I say? I’ve never had any shame in speaking my truth. Sometimes it was accepted and sometimes it was attempted to be shut down, quieted, boxed in.

Over the years, I stopped allowing myself to be quieted and boxed in. I knew I had something inside of me that needed to be shared with others. I just never could have ever guessed that it would have been along the spiritual path.

Here’s the thing about playing small…many times we receive love for it.

Being broke? Someone gave us sympathy for it.
Being overweight or unhealthy? Someone confirmed that it “is what it is”.
Patterns in relationships? It’s just who you are, right?

We connect ourselves to our story:

I am broke.
I am unlovable.
I am fat.
I am…what do you say after those 2 words?

When you identify with your story, ego makes it hard as hell to allow you to change because it believes that the death of that story means the death of you. If you have received love all your life based on your story, what happens when you don’t identify with it anymore?

That’s where self-love comes in. Once you learn to love yourself, outside validation no longer matters and you are free to be who you are, without limitations.

Seven years ago I left Gainesville. I left after the worst heartache I had experienced up until that time. Every time I came back, I cried. Every time I came back, I yearned for the life I had here. I put my life here on a pedestal, nothing would ever compare. When I tried to explain to new relationships, I would eventually say, “You’ll never understand.” A piece of my heart always stayed in Gainesville.

Tonight as I went to dinner alone, and walked home alone, it hit me…it’s time to release my past here. I am not my past. I am not who I was 7 years ago. Even if I came back, my life here would be so much different. I held on for 7 years, afraid if I released the 9 years I lived here I would lose myself. I now know that’s impossible. So Anne, my love, this letter is to you.

Dear Anne (the one who ran 7 years ago),

I know right now you’re in excruciating pain. I know when you come home and see his van not parked outside, your heart aches. I know you think that you can make the emptiness go away by drinking a bottle of wine and smoking a pack of cigarettes each night. I know you think that by getting as thin as possible, you’ll finally be happy and love yourself. You won’t. You know that. You know that as soon as you start eating again the weight will come back. Deep down you just want the pain to stop. You would rather feel physical pain than emotional pain. I know you cry yourself to sleep, wondering when you can finally live your life.

I hate to break the news, but you have even more heartache coming up. The thing is, by numbing all the pain you’re feeling, you’re going to continue to get the lessons in your life until you finally learn how to love yourself. I know you think by leaving Gainesville, you can just leave all the pain there. You’re running. You’re running because you don’t want to face yourself.

Gainesville does not define you. The band does not define you. Being a teacher does not define you. Your friendships do not define you. The amount of beer you can drink does not define you. All of those things will transform or disappear and you will still be there, grasping for the next thing to try and identify yourself with.

You know what people remember you by? Your laugh. Everyone who meets you talks about your laugh and how it brings them such joy. Right now you feel like you have nothing special to offer the world. The world you identified yourself with is falling apart and right now you wonder if anyone will ever love you again. Right now you go out into the world, smile and laugh…and then go home and numb the loneliness again.

The only other pain deeper than a broken relationship is the breakup of the band. I know. I know you wanted that to be your life. I know you saw yourself touring and becoming a rockstar. The joy you felt on stage was scary as fuck, and a more intense high than you could ever describe. I know that the music vibrated in your soul and you would completely lose yourself. I know that every time you go back and listen, you can take yourself back to the feeling of being on stage and it hurts all over again. I know that you so badly want others to understand, but they never can. Your experience is yours and yours alone.

Seven years later, and I’m back. My intention was to come back and visit, but I’m feeling called to release you. We’ll have our own moment, just the two of us, off of a public platform. There you can tell me all the things you want to tell me. For now, just know that the pain you’re going through is going to be used to help so many others heal. You don’t know this yet (and you’ll fucking laugh when I tell you), but you’re a Spiritual Mindset Coach. I know…I know. You’re still a teacher, but now you teach women. Your dad was right, you are spiritual (and even a little religious now too. I’m sorry!!) You’ll have your stage again, but this time it’s just you in the spotlight speaking to and coaching others. I know, public speaking scares the shit out of you but we’re just going to have to deal with it in order to serve others. All the writing you’ve done all these years was never a waste. You now write blogs, powerful Facebook statuses that help so many others, and you’re in the process of writing a book. We’re going to be a best-seller. I can just feel it.

You used to drink every night, now you barely drink.
You only exercised to attempt to be thin (thinking it would bring you happiness), now you’re training for a marathon.
You rarely shared your opinion if you felt others were smarter than you, now you speak confidently.
You hated traveling by yourself, now you’re prepping to travel the U.S. alone…with Guinney and Smitty.
Spending time in solitude felt like torture, now you spend hours on a meditation pillow.

Your pain has served its purpose. It’s time to allow yourself to fully embrace your growth so you can feel confident in being your true self 100% of the time.

Thank you, for all you have taught me and all the lessons of growth I have received. Thank you for spending 9 years here and giving me an amazing place to come back to that feels more like home than any other place. The world needs our gifts. It’s time to fly.

Love,
ALP

I was in yoga tonight and had this great idea for a blog, and then by the time I got home, fed the cats, and sat down…well, it’s a little watered down in my brain. Today has been a big day of reflection with the Full Moon in Scorpio. I don’t know much about astrology, but I’m definitely starting to learn. All my card pulls today showed new beginnings, rebirth, letting go of old beliefs and patterns, out with the old and in with the new. So naturally, I set my intention on my mat to release the old and then while in savasana, memories from the weekend started to filter in.

I’ve been realizing more and more that our journey on earth is truly for our soul’s growth. It is our journey and ours alone. Of course, we cross paths with others but we are not here for other people just like other people are not here for us. Some people will be in our lives forever and some will be in our lives for a season. Ego wants to tell us who should be in our life and how long they should be there.

Every relationship we have with another person is an assignment and there is a growth opportunity with every single person we come into contact with. It is up to us, though, whether we choose to learn the lesson or not. Ever think to yourself, “Man, why does this shit keep happing to me?” or “Why do I meet the same people all the damn time?” It’s you, love. You have an assignment you’re not learning. Sometimes it’s stubbornness and sometimes it’s just straight up not knowing Universal Law. So let me save you the trouble…you have a lesson to learn with EVERY single person who comes into your life. Nothing is someone else’s fault, it’s yours. Of course, they have their own lesson to learn from you but that’s none of your business. Yours is the only one you need to worry about.

What makes it challenging, though, is at the end of a relationship when you’ve figured out your assignment and have catapulted into your growth and you look back and don’t just see the person you still love in the same place, but they’ve somehow catapulted backwards. It’s heart-wrenching, actually. When you were in the relationship, you were flailing and they were the stable one. They were the source of your happiness for so long and all you can think is, “They’re gonna be so excited to hear the news. I love myself! I figured it out! I no longer need someone else to make me happy. I’m finally capable of a healthy relationship.” Instead of them being happy for you, you hear, “Your happiness is drowning me.”

In that moment, you feel in limbo. Ego wants you to let go of your happiness, depend on your former partner again, and say, “Never mind.” Your soul can’t. Once your soul has made that growth, it can’t forget it. Not to mention, they’ve gone so far back that they’re not even the same person they were when you met so now, you feel like two strangers on completely different paths who deeply love each other and no matter how badly your heart wants it, you’re stuck in a maze you can’t find each other in. You have no choice but to keep walking forward, knowing they’ll either grow and catch up…or they won’t.

It’s hard to not be able to be there for someone who was so committed to being there for you during so much of your growth. You had someone who loved you so unconditionally and the only way to repay them is to love them from afar and pray they’ll understand their assignment at some point. But then, they blame you. “Your growth happened on my back” and maybe it did, but there are always two people in a relationship with two different assignments. Each person is responsible for their own assignment.

So as I sit here on the evening of an energetically intense Full Moon and reflect on the new beginnings, my rebirth, what to let go of; it’s time to release that relationship. Ego wants to hold on. Ego wants to tell me I’ll never find another love like that one. My soul knows it’s not done. My soul knows there’s more to learn. My intuition is strong and never leads me astray, but my soul is gently leading me away forcing me to release my energetic grip. All I hear is, “I know. I know you know, but you can’t learn his lesson for him. If not in this lifetime, then you’ll reconnect in another to finish your karma. But for now, you have a life to live.”

I stopped writing blogs for a little while because it turned into a “to-do”. I stopped living my life based off of things I “have to” or “should” do. Instead, all of my days are scheduled based on inspired action. I stopped feeling inspired to write blogs or work on my book. I thought it was because all of my inspiration went into writing my Facebook posts, and maybe that’s true. Maybe I just needed a break from everyone’s expectations of me.

You see my life from the outside and create opinions based on a past story. That’s how we create opinions about anyone. I used to live my life trying to please people, but one thing I’ve learned intensely over these last couple weeks is that if I allow opinions of others to dictate who I am then I no longer know who I am.

I’m having a really weird realization that I’m partially writing this blog to family members, partially writing it to my ex, partially writing it to all my readers, and partially just writing whatever the fuck is coming up for me.

I’m so very aware that we read personal development blogs, posts, books, etc and feel incredibly inspired to change our lives. We feel incredibly inspired to make those changes, even when the author is completely honest about how low the lows are. It’s all worth it to get to the other side, right? It’s hard to really know, though, what the low will feel like when you’re in it yourself. I’m also becoming incredibly aware that “technically” you’re not supposed to share shit until you’re on the other side of it. You’re supposed to work through it first. I don’t like rules. I like to do things the way it feels good to do it and being honest with my readers is what feels best.

Here are some things I’ve learned about growth:

People who are fucking miserable don’t want to see you grow. They don’t want to see you happy with yourself because it would be much easier for them if you would stay stuck in the, “I’m sorry, everything is my fault” stage. Here’s the extra kicker — when they’re telling you how shitty you are, BECAUSE you’re working on changing your patterns it requires you to take the gut punch, pull up your big girl panties, and bite your fucking tongue. Yes, you can scream and cry behind closed doors but even through the tears you’re repeating to yourself, “When they attack they’re asking for love. When they attack they’re asking for love. Clearly they’re really hurting right now.”

It often feels like bargaining with God. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried the, “If you’ll just let this be ok, I promise to not go back to old habits.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. When it comes to your soul’s growth, you kind of have to take the good with the bad. You have no control how long people are meant to be in your life. The more you try to control how long that will be, the deeper the pain gets. Every time you try to resist what is (because clearly you know better) you’ll end up on the floor sobbing again.

Feeling your feelings is all fun and games when teaching others to do it. When it comes to feeling them yourself, it always sucks. You’ll become so self aware that you’ll think, “Can’t I just eat pizza and ice cream and call it a day?” But then you remember how badly you want to move past the emotional eating and choose to feel your feelings fully…and it still sucks.

When you know your purpose in this lifetime is to help shift the energy of the world in a big way, you can expect big ass lessons. Even when it feels like punishment in the moment, it’s not. It’s ok if no one understands. Sometimes you’ll feel really alone. You’ll have moments through your growth where you start to feel like you have no one to go to because you’ve outgrown many of them. You don’t want to bitch about things but you also don’t want to take full responsibility for the creation of your life. You simply just want someone to sit there and compassionately remind you there’s another side you’ll get to.

There will be moments you so badly want to be seen and moments you don’t want to be seen at all. In reality, you only want to be seen by those you’re trying to prove yourself to and you’ll never be able to prove to them who you are. They can only see you for who you are at their own level of awareness and that can feel extremely lonely.

And at the end of the day, what it all boils down to is loving yourself. The only way to ever get to the other side is to truly love yourself. Love yourself through the anger. Love yourself through the tears. Love yourself through loved ones attacking you. Love yourself through others perceiving you in a way you know isn’t who you are. Love yourself through feeling like you’re being pulled back into fitting into your old box. Love yourself through wanting to emotionally eat. Love yourself through wanting to emotionally drink. Love yourself through the fear.

Do what feels good. If you want to sit on your meditation pillow all day and not talk to anyone, do it. If you don’t want to respond to emails or texts, don’t. If you want to go through a purge-fest to get rid of lots of your stuff, do it. If you want to not shower and watch a Friends marathon, do it. If you want to have a dance party, dance it up! If you want to just sit and stare at the ceiling, that’s totally acceptable. Whatever gets you to the point of saying to yourself, “Man, I LOVE hanging out with myself” is always the right choice to make.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog and honestly, it’s because there’s been a lot of shit I’ve been trying to sort out. In January, I started prepping to take the Money Mentality Makeover course for a second time through. As my Mastermind group and I were gearing up for the course to start, I really started to ask the question of, “Does building a business have to be so hard? Is there anything in life that we should ever actually dread doing?” I started listening to and reading a lot of Wayne Dyer books, which then transitioned very quickly into the teachings of Abraham.

Abraham is a collective consciousness channeled through Esther Hicks. I had heard of Abraham for over a year, but had never dove into their teachings. I understood manifesting and vibrational energy, but it wasn’t until I really started to incorporate Abraham’s teachings that it truly started to click for me.

Over the last couple months, I’ve been incredibly protective of my vibrational energy and spending a lot more time by myself (not in the weird, hermit kind of way) and just really absorbing and practicing all I’ve been learning. I have a really solid morning routine of meditation, journaling out my prayers for myself and others, reading A Course in Miracles, pulling some tarot spreads, and then working out. Through my morning routine, I have been able to really connect deeply to myself, my higher self, and God/Spirit/Source/Universe. It is because of this that I have been so adamant about helping others find a routine when they come to me about all the things going wrong in their life.

I’ve been recently talking more and more to others about their vibrational energy and how to raise their vibe, which is where this entire blog started to pop up in my head pretty consistently.

So what is vibrational energy? We are energetic beings, vibrating at different frequencies. Based on our emotions, we are either “low vibe”, “high vibe”, or somewhere in between. We are ALWAYS manifesting, it just depends on whether we’re manifesting what we don’t want or what we do want. So when we’re stuck in worry, anxiety, and chaos we manifest more worry, anxiety, and chaos into our lives. If we’re stuck in the vibration of scarcity, we get more of that. Whatever you’re in the vibration of is what comes your way. Easier said than done, though, right?

What do you do when your “reality” is not what you’re trying to manifest? You have to create a new story. And this, my friends, is exactly what I’ve been diligently working towards since my last blog.

So let’s say you wake up and your first thought is, “Shit. I have so much to do today and I don’t want to do any of it!” You reach for a higher thought.

Abraham has an Emotional Guidance Scale, which has been really beneficial as I’ve been working through this process.

Know where you’re at on the Emotional Guidance Scale and then reach for the next higher thought. “I look forward to…” or “I appreciate….” I don’t wake up every morning pumped for the day. I would say 9 times out of 10, I have some form of worry the minute after I wake up. When Marianne Williamson teaches A Course in Miracles, she reminds us that “the ego speaks first and it speaks loudest”, which is why having a morning routine and meditation is so incredibly important.

If you wake up with a negative thought or emotion, what can you look forward to or appreciate in that moment? For me, I can always appreciate my comfortable bed. I appreciate not waking up to an alarm clock. I always look forward to coffee. I look forward to starting my morning routine to start to quiet my mind. Usually with those few thoughts, I’m out of fear and worry and into contentment. I’m not at joy yet, but I’m feeling better.

When I first started, I had to be extremely diligent about my awareness of where I was. I felt so much pressure to be high vibe and felt like if I slipped out then I was doing it wrong. I was reminded by a coach friend of mine, “You’re not doing it wrong. You can never do it wrong. Nothing is going wrong. You THINKING you’re doing it wrong is what’s going to prevent your manifestation from coming to you.”

Now that I’m a couple months into minute by minute, hour by hour practice of shifting into a higher vibrational energy, I can genuinely say it’s getting much easier.

“That’s great Anne, but what do I do NOW? How do I know if I’m doing it?” Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” If it’s not straight up joy, then start finding a thought that feels better.

If you’re anything like me, you like some sort of actual outline to know what to do, right? Got it! So here are some things to keep in mind as you’re working on shifting your vibrational energy:

*Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?”
*Ask yourself, “How do I WANT to be feeling right now?”
*Ask yourself, “What thought am I thinking right now that is causing me to feel that way?”
*Ask yourself, “Is it true?” (Hint: It’s NEVER true, nothing is ever 100% without a shadow of a doubt true)
*”If it’s not true, what’s the opposite thought that feels better instead?”
*Think that thought
*FEEL how that thought feels in your body.
*See how long you can stay in that feeling, and continue to think the next best thought until you reach joy.
*When you start to shift out of joy, just be aware without judging yourself for it.
*Go through the process again.

It has been through this entire process that I truly understood the importance of inspired action and getting into high vibe before you do ANYTHING. If your vibrational energy truly attracts more of where you’re at into your life, then think of why it is so important to raise your vibration before you spend money, before you do your work, before you eat, before you do ANYTHING.

Will you commit to joining me in being a #viberaiser?