How I learned to experience without attachment

February 5, 2020 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

Photo by Matthew Meijer on Unsplash

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my past two and a half years as a nomad and how it has affected my life on a level deeper than I ever could have imagined. We hear a lot about non-attachment, but at the beginning of our spiritual journey it often feels like pretending to not care about something we do actually want.

Non-attachment has probably been one of my hardest lessons as a recovering codependent. I was a controlling codependent who needed to always be ten steps ahead with a plan. Living in the moment was not something I did well. In fact, oftentimes not knowing what was going on in my life or feeling a lack of control would send me into a tailspin of anxiety.

When I got the nudge (or whisper, rather) from my soul in February 2017 to sell all my shit and hit the road, I began to vlog about my journey of letting it all go. At the time, I was also reading the book The Untethered Soul* by Michael Singer. In that book, he talks about our inner thorn. The way he describes it, we all have an inner thorn — something that when triggered, creates pain within us.

We oftentimes spend our entire lives trying to control our outer circumstances to try and avoid experiencing pain. We always have a choice — spend the rest of our lives trying to dictate, control, and manipulate our external circumstances in order to avoid pain or remove the thorn.

I say this slightly differently in my teaching. Where you’re triggered is where the work is. Or, where you’re triggered is where the healing is.

As I faced trigger after trigger during my time of selling all my shit in my two-bedroom Chicago apartment, preparing to head out on the road, I began to see that my need for control was going to be challenged along the way. I just never knew the depths of my healing over the next couple years.

When I was staying at a friend’s place in Mississippi hitting financial rock bottom, my lesson was in learning how to feel any feeling I desired, regardless of my external circumstances. At that point in my life, the only way for me to achieve that was to meditate two hours every morning, spend hours sitting under a tree in the cemetery, and then meditating another 45 minutes at night.

Eight months later, as I ventured out on the road full-time, I experienced extreme anxiety every time I would get to one place. As soon as I got to my Airbnb, I was already stressing about where I would go a week later. Choosing my next place was never fully in my control. I was in the beginning stages of tapping into and listening to my intuition, telling me where to check out places on the Airbnb website. At that point, I had enough money for about two weeks of Airbnbs, rental car costs, and food. Beyond that, I wasn’t sure where money would be coming from since my business was still so hit or miss.

I struggled to enjoy my time anywhere because my mind was constantly in a fear spiral of trying to figure out what would be happening next and whether or not I would die in the process.

From North Carolina to the Midwest and then out west, my emotional peaks and valleys became more stable. I began to view myself more as a nomad. When others would meet me along the way and ask me where I’m from, I would reply, “I’m from the Midwest, but I’m currently living a nomadic life.”

This fascinated people. They couldn’t understand how a single woman could so freely travel the U.S. not knowing where she was going. My energy began to shift. I became more outgoing. I laughed more. I explored more. I connected more. I remained more present in my life.

This isn’t to say I haven’t still had my struggles along the way. I have had many moments within the past year where I wasn’t sure how I would pay my bills or whether I would need to resort to sleeping in my car. And yet, when push came to shove, I never acted out of panic. I tapped back into presence, peace, and non-attachment to the outcome. When I did, some “miracle” would always come through just in the nick of time.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I was driving back from a hike while listening to an episode of the Soul Wealth Podcast where the host, Ryan Yokome, talked about living between the spiritual and material worlds. Years ago, that concept would have been completely foreign to me. As I listened to him describe it, I could feel in my body exactly what he was talking about.

There is a way to enjoy the material world and all it has to offer, while still knowing that nothing in this world is your true Source. Nothing in this world is the actual source of your happiness, peace, joy, safety, or security.

It’s how I live my life. It’s non-attachment. It’s a feeling of being so deeply connected to your Source that you know no matter the outcome, you will be okay. That is the safety and security I spent years trying to find in money, jobs, and relationships. This lesson is how I have continued to feel so free.

The next day, while heading back to my car from a hike, I ran into a man on the trail who was headed out for a run. We stopped and chatted for a moment about how cold it had been in Phoenix recently (which felt absurd for two Midwesterners to be telling each other). He then asked the question, “Do you live here?”

Although I’ve been staying in Phoenix for nearly four months and intend to stay longer, that question didn’t sit well in my body. “I’m currently staying here.” I didn’t go into the nomad conversation, but in my body living and staying felt completely different. To me, living somewhere feels like being stuck in one place. It feels rooted without being open to leaving. Staying here reminds me that when the time comes to leave, I will uproot and flow onto the next place. Staying here feels temporary, which allows me to spend my days being present and exploring.

On my way back to my car, the phrase that came to me was — be in this world, but not of it. Although I grew up in the church, my Bible knowledge is quite limited and yet, that was the phrase that came through so clearly.

Be in this world, but not of it.

Enjoy. Explore. Live. Experience everything this life has to offer, but don’t become so attached that you forget your true Source. I remember my true purpose for being here, which is to love. Walking between worlds allows me to fully bring my love into this material world. It allows me to simply show up and love others without becoming attached to the outcome.

This morning while in yoga, I began to reflect on the complete halt of Book One sales recently. I realized I had become attached to the goal again. I was attached to what it financially meant to sell books. I was attached to what it meant about me if I hit my goal versus not hitting it. I realized how stagnant my energy had become in my body. I detached from the outcome and reconnected to my ability to flow towards whatever is of my highest good.

I felt a click in my body and knew another copy would be selling because I no longer needed it to. I had detached from the outcome. And, as I got into my car, I saw the notification that another copy had in fact sold while I was on my mat.

I still have my desires. I have a desire for a lifelong partnership, a “successful” business (whatever that actually means), and a healthy mind/body/soul. But, I hold onto those things loosely. I do my internal work daily in order to not allow them to dictate how I feel.

Be in this world, but not of it. Experience and enjoy the material world but don’t hold on so tightly that you forget your true Source.

I may be in Phoenix right now, but Phoenix is not my home. I am my home and I am home no matter where I go.

*This blog contains affiliate links, which means if you click and buy the book, I’ll receive compensation for it.

Releasing my heels

January 31, 2020 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

Photo by Fred Kearney on Unsplash

I can feel a new chapter beginning in my book. I don’t know exactly where it will lead or how it will play out, but what I know is that I am no longer the same woman I once was.

Three years ago, I was coming out of a relationship I had sabotaged through old patterns I couldn’t seem to stop. One of my most detrimental behaviors has been stubbornness and the need to dig in my heels. For years, I needed to be right. I needed to be seen. I felt the need to prove myself.

Over years of deep, internal healing, I am seeing how that pattern is not just healing in everyday situations, but it is now also being released in romantic relationships.

I met a guy. I’ve met many men over my years of being a nomad and many I genuinely cared for and wanted to see things continue with. This one is different. It’s still too early to share publicly what my intuition is telling me (my behind-the-scenes writing is on Patreon), but what I know is that this feels different than any connection I’ve had.

If I could wrap up all my lessons and knowledge into one, it would be embodied in this man. It’s as if the Universe has given me the final exam.

“Ok, you’ve seen your mistakes. You’ve seen your failures. You said you wanted another chance and now that you have all the tools to make different choices – here you go.”

Just because we’ve done the internal work and know how to remain peaceful and calm in the face of triggers doesn’t mean we never experience them again.

In fact, the connection with this man began with a trigger on both sides. It started with both of us not seeing the other person for who they are, but through the lens of past experiences. We immediately met each other with our walls up, which caused him to reject me. That rejection triggered my Ego (whom I call Natalie), making her want to tell him to fuck off because clearly he didn’t know what he was missing.

I chose differently.

First, I sat with my trigger. I sat with the pain of the rejection. I sat with the feeling of judgment. And, instead of unmatching us because clearly he couldn’t see a good thing if it smacked him in the face, I chose love, compassion, and understanding.

I wasn’t going to beg, chase, or defend myself. I wasn’t going to try and convince him into seeing what an amazing woman I am. I decided to simply validate his experience of me. Validating how he was experiencing me didn’t mean anything about me. His truth didn’t have to be my truth. That’s where changing my patterns and releasing my heels began.

Our connection continued through texts, phone calls, and finally meeting in person. Our first date was great, and we decided to continue the connection beyond. Then, the conversation began around first kisses and sexual intimacy. I’ve always dated people who took things quickly, as did I. My take on things is not the same as his, which immediately triggered the fear of rejection within me again.

Am I not good enough? Does he not find me attractive? Is he friend-zoning me already?

The stories continued and we began to have a candid conversation via text around how we’ve done things in the past, societal rules, and why we do what we do.

The societal rules are where I began to get tripped up. I’m not a “rule follower”. I mean, the Virgo in me is and Ego/Natalie definitely has her fair share of telling me what I “should” do. But my life is very non-traditional and I pride myself on doing what is authentic for me no matter what others believe.

He shared with me, “Apparently it’s 3 dates for a first kiss and 5 for sex.”

3 dates for a first kiss?! That seemed absurd to me. If two people like each other and have a connection, why on earth would you wait 3 dates? Then a friend reminded me, “Some guys like the courtship.”

Apparently I had never met those men before. Or maybe, I tried to control the situation by putting on my masculine pants instead of leaning into the innate power of my feminine energy. To Natalie, leaning back and not taking control of a situation creates fear. Fear of nothing happening, fear of too much happening, fear of something (or someone) leaving.

Control = safety and in my past, men were the most unsafe. If I could show up in my masculine energy, they could never have power over me or take advantage of me again. Natalie still felt the need to dominate a man. But as triggers were getting reflected back to me, she realized dominating a man only ever broke him down, causing him to leave.

I saw the direct correlation of what happened when I stepped into my masculine energy with this new guy. When I stepped into my masculine, it triggered and repelled him. That’s not what I wanted. That was not the outcome I was looking for.

So, I tried something else. I released my heels. I loosened my grip on the situation. I no longer had the desire to be stubborn just for the sake of being right.

In the past, Natalie would have wanted to go straight to the man for reassurance. This time was different. I noticed her say to me I need space. I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. I don’t care to make anything happen. Just take me outside and be with me.

So I did. The conversation halted for 7 hours while he continued on with his day and I spent the rest of my day reconnecting to myself. I went outside for a walk, ran errands I needed to run and then ended my night in a much needed yoga class.

By the time we reconnected, our energy was much different. There was a softness we didn’t have earlier in the day. We had an honest, vulnerable conversation and I still had the opportunity to use my voice to share my truth.

This experience is different because I don’t have to be forceful to be heard. I don’t have to overpower in order to be valued and seen.

For the first time, I can release my heels and let my guard down.

To learn what my journey of growth and healing looked like, grab Book One

I gave up my life for this

October 13, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

I’ve been back in Phoenix for less than a week and although I resisted coming back, it has been healing (as usual).

I think there’s something about being a fire sign (Aries) in the desert. As I was driving to meet a friend last night, the message came through me:

Put a fire sign in the desert, stoke the flame and see what happens. Watch the Phoenix rise, motherfuckers!

The way I got here was through unconditional faith and trust. Isn’t that what true faith and trust is though? Most people want to trust when it’s convenient. They want to trust when everything seems to be working out. That’s not true trust and faith. That’s conditional.

Conditional = fear.

Unconditional = love.

So, I had been in Utah for a couple nights. My final night, I pulled my atlas and pendulum back out to see where I was headed next. All of my moves while on the road are intuitively based. I follow my gut, regardless of “logic”. Logic gets us living the same life over and over again like Groundhog’s Day. Following our body, our gut/soul, leads us to a life beyond anything we could ever imagine. It leads us to the extraordinary.

The message came in: Phoenix.

A 9+ hour drive after long drives and short stays? No thank you. I decided to go to bed that night and hoped for a more “sensible” answer in the morning.

The next morning I woke up and less than 3 hours before getting ready to leave, I asked again.

Phoenix.

I checked out the Airbnbs and although there was a place that could potentially work for me, it didn’t really excite me. I noticed my hesitation and resistance.

I decided to look at the 2 places I had stayed in Phoenix before. One was unavailable and the other appeared to be available but every time I tried to book it, I received an error message.

“What am I supposed to do?”

Just drive.

I had never done that before. I had never just gotten in the car and started driving in the direction I was being guided to without the confirmation of a place to stay.

Against all logic, I packed up my car and drove. The day of travel took me nearly 11 hours. By the time I got to Phoenix, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally.

On the way here, I learned that the reason I was getting an error message was because the house had been sold. My only option was a place in a suburb about 30 miles outside of Phoenix. I booked it 2 1/2 hours before arriving and when I got here, the code for my apartment wasn’t working the way it was being described in the listing. I ended up sitting in my car for 1 1/2 hours, trying to get ahold of my host and on the phone with Airbnb support.

Right in the middle of Airbnb trying to find a hotel for me that night, the host’s husband came home and helped me figure out the code. I was in!

Exhausted and annoyed as fuck, I had no clue why I was here.

“WTF God?! Why am I here? You told me to trust you and this is what I get?”

The next couple days, I had some very stern convos with God.

I hit hurdle after hurdle, closed door after closed door, and after taking my car in for an oil change, I learned my car would need a new timing belt.

After asking for help and working through an emotional shit storm of shame, I reflected on my way back from the dealer, “Why am I unwilling to give up this lifestyle? Some of the people closest to me are those who believe in me the least. I’ve been told I’m irresponsible and living a pipe dream, so why am I so stubborn, refusing to give up on my vision?”

I immediately started bawling.

I gave up my life for this.

That message didn’t come through as guilt or regret. It came in to remind me why I’d better not dare give up.

I gave up my life for this. I gave up my entire life to follow the ache of my soul. Giving up on myself after making the sacrifice of all sacrifices would be the biggest self betrayal ever.

Shortly after that, I received a message that brought me to tears. She began to remind me where she had come from – homeless – and how her life had shifted once she began learning from me.

“I started writing, something I always have done to bring me peace and one day I saw a video by this motivational young woman…you. You have such a gift. You are making an impact and changing people’s lives. Giving up is easy. I had so many opportunities. I fought. Fight.

Anne, your effect on those you teach or guide or mentor, even just speak to on a free phone call is powerful. You have so much to offer so many people out here. We all need you. You weren’t meant to go back to living a regular life, Anne. You’re extraordinary.”

Shortly after that, the miracles began to flood in.

Giving up is easy. Everyone does it when shit gets hard. When was the last time you had a vision so deep in your soul you were willing to give up your entire life for it?

Another friend reminded me last night, “Irresponsible dreaming is how new unique things are created!”

We wouldn’t have the evolution we experience in our world without people like us – the “irresponsible dreamers” – believing something better is possible.

I believe great reward requires great sacrifice. Creating the life of your dreams requires you to sacrifice your old one. And, when it looks like things aren’t working out just remember – the net always appears after the leap, never before.

Tear down the walls around your heart

September 10, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

My journey has basically looked like this – just when I think I have all the info I need to start moving forward again, I come across new information that blows my fucking mind, causing me to go back to the drawing board.

Anyone else?

Okay, so maybe that’s a bit dramatic but I feel like in the last few days my entire life has made sense again and all the pieces are beginning to come together.

Pretty much this entire year has felt like putting a puzzle together. You know when you sit down to do a puzzle and you see the picture on the box, knowing what it’s supposed to look like but you just sit there and stare at the 1000 pieces in front of you wondering where to begin?

Accurate AF, right?

Welcome to 2019.

Luckily, I had the edges put together. The border was pretty solid but every time I would reach for a center piece, it never seemed to quite fit. To top it all off, I’ve felt like there have been people staring over my shoulder, “How long is it going to take for her to put it together? She’s been working on it for years. Maybe she should just give up?”

To be honest, it’s probably just Natalie’s (my ego’s) beliefs projected onto other people. It’s me judging myself because that’s what human beings do. We have this false sense of how long something should take and when it takes longer, we start to ask ourselves what’s wrong with us.

Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been binge listening to two podcasts: The Soul Wealth Podcast and The Goddess Boss Podcast. I’ve been learning more about masculine and feminine energy through both podcasts (hosted by two different people, but are married to each other).

Last week, Kris (host of The Goddess Boss Podcast) was offering free calls, which at first I wasn’t going to take part in because I’m not in a space to make an investment and I know they’re in the process of filling spots for their group coaching program.

When the opportunity came up again, I remembered the Law of Compensation (as well as the Law of Receiving) and decided to take her up on it. The Law of Compensation + Receiving basically state that what we give we receive. It is not a 1:1 ratio, though. When we give to someone, we do not necessarily receive through that person. It is our job to give where we feel called to give and then the Universe will provide through the path of least resistance.

I knew there was no requirement to invest. If Kris gave to me, she would receive either through me or someone else. So, I decided to go through the process and sign up for a call.

Just even going through the process to sign up for a call created so many breakthroughs for me. One of the questions was, “Have you invested in a coach before and if so, what was your experience?”

Yes. Four. I’ve invested in four coaches (not to mention other group coaching programs) over the course of 3 1/2 years. In the last 3 1/2 years, I’ve invested tens of thousands of dollars into myself, still not externally where I want to be.

Do I blame any coaches for it? No. Do I blame myself for it? No. Each time I’ve invested, I’ve gotten more clarity on who I am, what I want, and how I want to show up in this world. I see the gaps in the coaching community, though. Investing and still feeling like I had to figure a lot of it out on my own has made me a much better coach over the years.

As I answered the questions I cried, releasing a lot of anger. I never allowed myself to truly feel the anger because I was afraid of my coaches feeling like I blamed them for my lack of progress. Maybe I did. I was frustrated because I continued to believe that there was something wrong with me. Do you know how defeating it feels to invest in a coach and leave feeling like you still didn’t accomplish what you wanted?

I left feeling hopeless in a lot of cases. Beneath that, though, it started to chip away at my trust in myself.

So what drives me to continue to show up when my trust in myself is in question?

Purpose and passion.

My passion for what I do.

My anger was also rooted in feeling like I had coaches steering me away from what I’m deeply passionate about when they told me, “Self-love and self-care don’t sell.”

I told Kris, “It’s my story, though. It’s what I know. It’s what changed the complete trajectory of my life.”

She responded with, “Anne, you really help women connect to their heart.”

That’s when the lightbulb finally went off.

The heart. It’s the gateway to receiving but for years, I built walls around mine.

Women (myself included), struggle to receive because we’ve been taught it’s not safe to be in our body.

Coaches told me I would teach about money because it’s what I struggled with most.

No, I don’t have blocks around money. I’ve had blocks around my heart, preventing me from receiving.

If you want to receive, you have to first do the work around tearing down the walls built around your heart.

The beginning?

Self-love and self-care.

The whisper is always nudging you

August 4, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

Today I had the opportunity to share my story in an online community on Facebook for other teachers, healers, and coaches.

I was asked to present weeks ago. Weeks ago, I still had a “traditional” coaching business. I was branded as “The Revolutionary Business Bitch”. Since then, though, every time a stranger would ask me what I did and I responded with, “I’m a business coach”, it never felt right.

I didn’t know how to put what I did into words.

Yes, I work with entrepreneurs.

Yes, I coach others.

But I’m not a “business coach” and never have been. My passion has always been the mindset, the internal work, rewriting our stories to create the life we actually want.

Within the past week, I finally allowed myself to be brave enough to ask myself the question I ask all my clients:

If you could do anything you wanted and knew you would be fully supported, what would you do?

Write. I would write. I would tell my story. I would use my life as a teachable moment and coach from what I know better than anything else – how spiritual laws play out in the “real” world.

Practical spirituality.

For years, I’ve wanted to write but I couldn’t see how to make it my full time job, so I held onto a traditional coaching business I didn’t really want.

Today in my presentation, I shared about the obligation we have to listening to that whisper we all experience. We always have two voices in our head – love and fear. Truth and illusion. The question is: which one will we choose to follow?

Fear allows us to create what we’ve always created before.

Love allows us to create something we’ve never experienced before.

I committed to writing. I committed to building what I actually wanted and with that, other platforms have opened up to me in which to share my writing.

While all of this was happening, I finished the manuscript for my first book, which is now in the hands of my test readers. I reread my own book and laughed, “My love of writing is all over this book! I’ve been meant to coach through my writing all this time, I just could never see it before!”

One of my test readers already began to give me feedback, “I feel like you’re coaching me through your story.”

“Yes! Good! That was my initial intention when I set out to write the book!”

For the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel calm without trying. I feel genuinely happy without anything needing to shift externally. I trust beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Everything that has ever fallen apart in my life has always been leading me to this exact moment of awareness.

I was never meant to create what I saw everyone else creating.

I was only ever meant to peel off all the other layers of the “shoulds” so I could finally see what I was actually meant to do.

The whisper always knows when we’re brave enough to trust it.

Letting go of good for great

June 28, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

We’ve all heard the saying about being willing to give up good for great. But any of us who have tried to do it know that it can feel really fucking difficult when our ego/Natalie wants to hold on for dear life.

No! Don’t let go of that! What if something better never comes along?

One thing I’ve learned (from what feels like never ending releasing) is that great always comes. It may feel like it takes its sweet ass time sometimes, but it always comes.

Over the past year, my business has gone through a massive transformation. It has simply reflected back to me all the internal growth I’ve been doing.

Layers. Lots of peeling off layers. For once, I feel like I’m finally getting to the center – my authentic center.

Freedom.

What’s happened over the past year, though, has been a lot of trying to force things to happen before they were ready. I had many of the components I wanted in my business, but the energy wasn’t quite right.

At the end of last year, I finally released my virtual classroom that I had opened up less than a year prior. I had members in the classroom, it was a good chunk of my monthly income, and the members of the classroom were loving it and seeing progress.

And yet, I closed it.

For the next 6 months, I continued to shut down services. I created and tore down. Created and tore down. Afraid that there would be nothing left.

I wondered if I would still be able to support myself and in some moments, I was barely able to. I nearly slept in my car more times than I ever thought I would be comfortable with.

I sat there, looking around and comparing my journey to everyone else’s, wondering what I was doing wrong that they were succeeding and I wasn’t. I was jealous, bitter, and pissed off.

I wanted to be excited for all my entrepreneurial peers who were rocking it, but I couldn’t figure out why everything felt so hard for me.

Every time things felt like they were shifting again, I (Natalie/ego) tried to hold on for dear life. I just wanted stability. I just wanted to feel safe and secure. I just wanted things to stop feeling unsteady for two fucking minutes.

I finally, finally reached my breaking point in the best way possible. I finally stopped caring. I finally lost my last fuck. I finally stopped caring how others perceived me and my journey.

I didn’t care to worry and stress anymore. The contrast broke me down and I no longer cared about shit that didn’t matter.

I finally accepted having nothing. I stripped everything down to my bare bones (like I thought I had done so many times before) and this time, I felt true peace.

There is no substitue for emotional mastery.

Nothing can take the place of true inner peace.

The journey doesn’t have to be as long and painful as I allowed mine to be. I’m just a stubborn ass who digs in my heels and says, “No. My way.”

The Universe laughs at that kind off bullshit and says, “Good luck with that.”

Allow yourself to loosen your death grip on life just a little bit. I know it’s terrifying to give up what you know in order to trust that something even better will come along.

I know Natalie/ego wants “better” to come immediately, and it rarely works that way.

Better is coming. In the meantime, prepare yourself. Become the best fucking version of yourself in order to receive all the things you’ve ever dreamed of.

Faith is a conscious practice

June 14, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

I never knew what it actually took to practice true faith. I thought it was a matter of shooting a half-assed prayer out to some being in the sky who decided whether I was “worthy” of having my prayer answered or not.

Very Santa Claus-ish. “Has Anne been good enough? Has she been applying what she’s learning? Does she deserve it? Does she need to learn more lessons?”

In fact, when I was in the depth of my shit while in Mississippi, I actually asked my mentor, “What’s the ratio of positive to negative thoughts I need to think in order to receive what I want?”

How very Virgo rising of me.

I wanted the formula. Give me a list of steps to follow and I’m on that shit. You feel me?

What I’ve learned about my relationship with God/Spirit/Universe/Source is that it requires balance, give and take, and extreme awareness.

Sounds like any other conscious relationship, huh?

Two years into my nomadic journey and I’m finally loosening my death grip on life. I’m finally learning what it takes to have true faith. What I know to be true is that faith is a conscious practice. It is not half-hearted hope. It’s not wishing upon a star.

I hear it all the time from many of you.

“I hope…”

“I wish…”

“I’ll try…”

“Maybe…”

Once you slip into hope, you’re gonna end up staying in hope, never seeing the results you truly desire.

Just 4 days ago, I had less than $9 in my bank account and nowhere to stay. I had never had to practice my faith the way I’ve had to the last few days. When I left my Airbnb with no place to go, I knew it was time to practice true faith.

First, I released any resistance I had to sleeping in my car. It’s definitely not what I wanted, but I accepted it. I did the internal work to not make it mean anything about me if that was the outcome.

Then, I focused on what I wanted. I didn’t get super specific because at that point, I truly desired whatever was of the highest good. I wanted a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in.

My friend had points for me to stay in a hotel, but I didn’t even have enough money for the pet fees. The path of least resistance felt like receiving enough money to be able to accept a free hotel stay.

I knew I had people who “owed” me money (although obligation is another topic for another day) but it didn’t feel good to reach out to them asking when they were going to pay. I sat in my car, eating my hard-boiled eggs and carrots, trusting something was coming through for me. I affirmed from a place of knowing, instead of the typical energy of trying to convince my mind to believe something.

I found joy, gratitude, and appreciation in every single thing I could – big or small. Less than an hour after leaving my Airbnb, I had money come through, which ended up being enough to get gas, food, and cover the pet fees for a free hotel stay for the week! Not only that, but my hotel stay ended up being a king suite with a bomb ass balcony overlooking a river and mountains.

The next day, I reached out to my aunt who lives in Denver to let her know I was in her state. I shared that I din’t know if I was going east or north, but I would keep her in the loop. Within a matter of about 30 minutes, she had invited me to stay at her house for 2 weeks. As if by “magic”, everything was working out beautifully.

Then, the next morning she texted me to say that for reasons she completely forgot about, me actually staying at her place wouldn’t work.

Panic. Anxiety. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

Then? Faith. I knew that I wasn’t being punished. God wasn’t like, “Oh here’s another lesson.” I was simply being redirected, even though I had no clue why.

My typical way of handling a situation like this was to immediately try to fix the “problem”. I have learned over the years that reacting to the contrast and taking action in the energy of panic and anxiety only perpetuates that energy.

I shared with my aunt that I was unable to make decisions while experiencing anxiety and that I trusted it was all happening for some higher good. Then, I left.

I spent hours outside, exploring a neighboring town, and buying a book I came across in a used bookstore (one of my favorite things to do while in new places). All day I noticed my fear and worry, and I shifted each moment. “Everything has worked out this far. A solution is already on the way.”

And it was.

By the time I pulled into the parking lot to the hotel, I had a message from a friend I hadn’t actually met in person yet. “Do you need a place to stay?”

“OMG yes!”

It was immediately settled. The next day, money flowed in to support my moment to moment needs and today, I sit here in gratitude for how easily everything has come together.

I didn’t wish for it.

I didn’t hope for it.

God/Source knew I had a need and then I stayed confidently calm, knowing a solution was on the way.

And it was.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

June 7, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

I was chatting with a friend the other day about looking for validation on social media through likes/comments.

Business owners – you know exactly what I’m talking about.

You go to post something and throughout the day (if not immediately, if it’s a really potent post), you start to stalk your notifications to see who liked it, commented, etc.

What does that mean? You’re looking for validation. Acceptance. Love.

Basically, social media is simply an avenue in order for you to offer value (energy) to your followers. What happens, though, is we often get stuck in that cycle of immediately looking for the validation.

Why?

When we create, we give energy outward. When we deplete ourselves (even the tiniest amount), we have a habit based on what we’ve been taught to look outside of ourselves to replenish that energy/love.

Here’s where it gets really mind-blowing for those of you who have never been taught how energy works. When you look for validation/love from your followers, you are literally blocking them from being able to hire/pay you. Why? Because there’s an imbalance of energy.

If you are looking to them for energy/love/value, what is their reason for paying you? You’ve completely eliminated that energetic need to invest.

I get how hard that habit is to break, because it’s a pattern I still have to work through. It’s a deep addiction to rely on others for love.

This is probably what your current cycle looks like:

Create > feel depleted > look for validation > feel shitty/not good enough > feel lack > feel the need to take more action > take more action trying to “get” > eventually burn the fuck out

Here’s a healthier way to manage that:

Create > replenish your own energy/do something that feels loving > take inspired action once it feels exciting again > replenish again > rinse and repeat

Sounds simple. Also easy as fuck to avoid, slipping into old patterns.

Try the new pattern/cycle for a week and let me know what shifts you notice in your life!

Redefining Success

May 31, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

I’m in Idaho, as many of you know, and this journey of following my soul never ceases to amaze me. I’m always amazed at what I learn, how I grow, what I uncover, and which books come into my life at the perfect time.

One of my favorite things to do when I move from town to town is check out the local bookstores. If they’re used bookstores or at least have a used section, even better! I always seem to come across the perfect book when I browse the metaphysical section of a bookstore. This trip has been no different.

The book The Celestine Prophecy* continued to come into my awareness. A friend told me about it months ago (long enough ago that I actually didn’t remember she had told me about it). Then, as I was on a virtual community get together through my spiritual community, another women said to me, “Have you read The Celestine Prophecy? I think you’d really love it!” When I went back to Nevada City, CA for a few nights, I came across it in the local bookstore (although not used) and I ended up deciding on another book that day. Then, once I got to Idaho, the original friend who had told me about it posted about it on her Facebook page and I decided in that moment that if I saw it again, I would buy it.

Naturally, I went out to explore that day and decided to seek out the local bookstore. I walked upstairs to the metaphysical section (which also happened to be in the used book area) and there it was. In fact, there were two copies side by side. So, I bought it.

As soon as I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down. You’ve probably read it because apparently, everyone and their mom have read it. Regardless, let me share with you how this book has confirmed everything I have already known to be true as well as has validated all the work I’ve done on myself and put out into the world the past few years.

I’m not even through the entire book yet, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but I’m currently through the 4th insight described. The insights explain the awakening process beautifully. What really struck me was the explanation of energy and how we go from trying to control and manipulate connections with others in order to “get” energy from them to learning that we can actually tap into Source in order to receive the energy we’re craving.

We’re all energetic beings and everything in our world is made up of energy. Everything we engage with fills up or depletes our energy, before we learn that we can tap in directly to Source (aka God). This is especially true when it comes to engaging with others. When we’re dependent on others to make us feel better (codependency), we go into relationships and conversations with others trying to control the energy of the interaction.

As I reflected on this, I realized how it directly correlates to business. That, my friends, is traditional sales and marketing and it’s what I’m no longer available for.

For the past 3 years, I’ve been on an intense deep-dive, learning and teaching how to give to ourselves what we’ve been relying on from others for most (if not all) of our lives.

For years I struggled with not only making money but with understanding how money works. Even now, I have moments where my financial flow is inconsistent and I held a lot of shame around it for far too long because I wondered, “Who will view me as successful if I’m not making X dollars?”

The truth, though, is that money does not determine success. Money is just energy and we use it, oftentimes, to feel better. Most of our society uses money the same way they use food, alcohol, drugs, and relationships – simply to feel a certain way because they’ve never been taught how to control how they feel from within.

So the question I took to my journal this morning was, “What if having money is not what makes us successful? What if being more evolved is?”

Do you know how to access any feeling you desire any time you want to feel it? Do you know how to feel better without the use of food, alcohol, drugs, money, or other people?

If not, that would be a beautiful place to start!

And that, my friends, is the exact work I do with my clients.

Much love,

Anne

*Disclosure: This blog contains affiliate links. What does that mean? If you choose to purchase through the link provided, I will receive a commission at no additional cost to you.

How to give hurtful words a new meaning

May 22, 2019 by Anne Filed Under: Anne's Blog Leave a Comment

For years I tried to avoid getting criticized because let’s be real, getting criticized fucking blows. No one loves to hear criticism from others, no matter where the criticism comes from.

What happened, though, was that I dimmed my light and hid who I was for a really long time to try and prevent it. People pleasing – have you heard of it?

I was a big fucking people pleaser. I thought the worst thing in life was for someone not to like me. I, like all of you, have all kinds of memories of not being liked. I have memories of being insulted and of course, those insults naturally hurt when we make them mean something about us.

But if you’re in the world of business, how do you work through criticism in a healthy way so that you don’t freeze up and shut down, not wanting to ever show up again?

You do the inner work.

For years I believed I was selfish and I struggled to sell because of all the times I had been told I was “manipulative”.

When we think of manipulative people we think of awful, dirty, harmful people, right?

The thing, though, is that many words only have the meaning we give them. And, as I began to really look at where these stories were coming from and if they were actually true about me, I realized not only were they not true but I could actually shift the meaning of the words being used to help me feel even better about myself.

Selfish – Why yes, I am selfish. I am a stickler for putting myself first because only by putting my body/mind/soul health first am I able to show and up and serve others in the way I feel called to. I work with way too many women who are not only “selfless” but have completely lost themselves and their passion for life. It’s no wonder we struggle to show up as our authentic, powerful selves when we are constantly doing what others are telling us we should be doing, right?

Being selfish about your physical, mental, and spiritual health is the best thing you could do for yourself, your family, your community, and the world! We need way more of us following who we actually came here to be (which is another reason I’ve totally been digging Human Design lately)!

Manipulative. This was a tough one. What does it mean to actually “manipulate”? Of course there are definitions with a negative connotation, but the opposite is also true. Not only did I look at the different definitions, but I also looked at synonyms. Two of the synonyms are – influence and guide. Two things I do really fucking well! I influence and then guide others to show up and do the internal work, helping them to become the best version of themselves in order to achieve the things they truly desire.

Here’s the thing – when you spend years doing the deep internal work and you cultivate a deep level of love for yourself you’ve never had before, you stop giving a shit about the opinions of those you simply don’t value. I have people in my life who genuinely know me, my heart, my mission, and how I have impacted the lives of others in a positive way.

Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to like you either. You get to choose what you do with the criticism that comes hurling at you when you decide to be bold in who you are and what you’re here to do.

Here’s what I know – the truth always feels good. Always. “Truth hurts” is a bullshit lie. Sometimes we get truth bombs that hit us in the gut, but deep down we know they’re true and meant for us to grow. But, when you start to take on someone else’s beliefs which don’t feel good in your body, it’s not your truth. It might be theirs. They may feel really good about their perception of you, but never forget to ask yourself, “What could also be true?”

It can also be true (and is) that I am selfish about my love for myself and and help manipulate, influence, and guide others into the best version of themselves!

Much love,

Anne