Note: Weeks ago, I was intuitively guided to write Why I’m not voting in 2020. Things have shifted a bit since then. As always, I am writing about my current experience of life, which could all change as I continue to evolve over time.

Of all the people I know, I’m the last person I believed would ever go down the path of being a “God-loving American”. I’m an American, as in, I was born and raised in America. I’m never one who has loved my country the way others do. Do I understand my freedom and privilege? Yes. Am I grateful for what I have and the life I live? Absolutely. I just never had any desire to be overly patriotic, wear anything with the flag on it, and I sure as hell didn’t have any desire for God to have any part in my life.

That all began to change over three years ago when everything in my life appeared to be falling apart. My relationship was ending, my business was struggling, and I received the whisper, “Sell all your shit and hit the road.” I was being asked by Spirit (God) to live a full-time life on the road. I knew it would transform me, but I didn’t know how much.

Much of my time has been spent in small towns, meeting people on the “other side of the aisle”. I have been a born and raised Democrat. As soon as I could vote, I registered (although to be honest, I didn’t have the desire at 18 to actually register or vote), and started voting Democrat straight across the board.

In 2016, I chose not to follow the political race at all. It felt negative and toxic in my body and although I wasn’t for Hillary, based on everything that was presented in the media and on social media, I was against Trump. I made my decision from a place of fear, not love. I feared what would happen if Trump was president. I was led to believe the world would fall apart, it would be nonstop war and violence, and as a woman I would lose all my rights. 

After the election, I started to receive very clear intuitive nudges that were hard to explain to anyone who voted against Trump. I began to receive glimpses of a changing world — one that would fall apart, but for something even better to emerge. I had no clue if it would be Trump who would bring in the positive change or if he would ruin it so badly that the next person to swoop in and “save us” would create something better than we ever could have imagined. I still don’t have any actual idea what will happen. At this point, we’re all basing it off of theory. 

As I continued down my own spiritual path, strengthening my intuitive empathic gifts, I continued to tap into the fear and disgust that was ever evolving in Democrats across the board. The more I observed this, the more turned off I became. I began to see the entire political arena as corrupt and negative and wanted no part of it. I was no longer available to vote against someone or something. If I couldn’t be for it, I was going to bow out. Immediately, terror shot through my body.

What would others think of me? 

I felt ashamed and wondered how long I would be able to hold onto my secret before someone close to me found out that I had done such a stupid, irresponsible thing by not voting. I continued to hold onto my truth and my values. I stand for love and every action I take is rooted in love, not fear. 

We’re now in the middle of this Covid-19 epidemic and things I’ve intuitively known for years are beginning to come to light and I’m beginning to understand why things are potentially playing out the way they are.

We are not born fearing one another. It is a learned behavior. And yet, our world is suffocating in fear. We have forgotten who we are, which is exactly why we are not-so-gently being asked (forced) to awaken. To some who have been on their own awakening journey for years, we are seeing the curtain being lifted and although that shit is hard to look at, we can handle it. We’re processing pieces of information first so that we are able to hold space for those who will be jolted out of their sleep down the road.

Back to politics, though. This is not a Democrat/Republican thing, although I aways believed being a God-loving American (my mental image: Bible belt) was something only Republicans were. I rejected God and I rejected any pride in being American, while just doing my basic civic duties. I was asleep, playing the role that was within my comfort zone. 

Now I’m being asked to play another role as a way of triggering others into their own awakening and let me say, it’s uncomfortable as hell. I’ve had some of the most triggering, uncomfortable conversations I’ve ever had in my entire life within the past week.

You see, after learning about the manipulation, brainwashing, and mind control that so often takes place in mainstream media (both sides, remember — it’s not political), I started to dive into the places I feared. I feared Trump. I feared conspiracy theorists. I feared “God-loving Americans”. I feared those who loved the Bible, God, and Jesus. I didn’t understand them. I didn’t understand why they were so passionate about their beliefs. 

I started watching Trump’s daily briefings. I started following, reading, and watching content put out there by QAnon (a current conspiracy theory). I opened my mind and began to ask myself, “Could the opposite of what I believed to be true about life also be true?” My answer is yes. All I can say is within the past week, I have trusted God more. I have prayed more. I have cried more. I have felt more united with other members of my country than ever before (while socially distancing, of course). For the first time in longer than I can remember, I have true hope. 

I’m not a “Trump supporter”. I’m not a “conspiracy theorist”. I’m not a “Republican”. I’m not “anti-liberal”. I’m not “Christian”. I do not limit myself to any box. I’m for love. I’m for peace. I’m for Truth. I’m for the awakening of this planet and will play any role God guides me to play in order to help others awaken to their own innate power.

We each play roles in our lives as a means of triggering the other person (should they choose to lean into the discomfort) into awakening more into the Truth of who they are. We trigger each other with the opportunity to return to who and what we innately are — love. 

Do I believe Trump is perfect? Nope. Do I believe he’s as awful as mainstream media has led us to believe? Nope. When I truly allow myself to listen to him, though, I experience a grounded energy. Words never matter to me. Energy does. I dove into the Q theory and while listening to Trump’s briefings, I can confidently say that something much bigger is happening beneath the surface. It has the potential to transform our country in a way most people could never imagine — for the highest good of all.

Is it true? I don’t know. What I know, though, is that it is of everyone’s highest good to hold the vision of true peace, love, and freedom for all — regardless of who is chosen to bring that change about. 

My role in other people’s lives will change over time but for now, God is calling me to explore Trump and Q, appearing to others as a “Trump supporting conspiracy theorist” in order to awaken you to look at any fear that arises within you when you hear that. 

What is in that fear that is holding you back from deep, heart-opening love — for all? Could the opposite of your story also be true? Can you play the “what if” game?

What if we’ve been lied to?

What if what has appeared on the surface isn’t actually true?

What if all the fear we’ve experienced all these years was a means of someone outside of us trying to gain control over us?

What if those we trusted with power have actually been brainwashing us into loving and idolizing them?

What if they have only played their role as a means of us awakening to coming back home to ourselves?

What if God is real and truly does love us more than anything else in the Universe?

What if Christ consciousness is awakening and on the verge of returning?

What if there truly is nothing to fear?

What if we’re not crazy and never have been?

What if we knew all along but simply forgot we had the power within us?

What if being a God-loving American (for those of us who live in America) is exactly who we are meant to be and also includes loving all others on this planet?

I once had a friend say to me, “You remind me of the Statue of Liberty. She stands for so much. She goes through rain, storms, sun, clouds, and she never changes. For me, she stands for truth and leadership, and when you choose to step into that nothing can phase you. You will always be that pillar. That’s how I see you.”

So I ask you — What qualities does a God-loving American embody and how can you step into more of those loving qualities each and every day? What role is God asking you to play in order to awaken yourself and others during this time of massive transformation? Allow that role to be fluid. It doesn’t mean anything about you. It isn’t your identity. Who you are — love — can never change.

(And for those of you wondering if I’m voting in 2020 and if so, does this mean I’m voting for Trump? Let’s just get through the next few months first to see what actually plays out. Who knows what role God will assign me in November.)