Today I believe I wrote the ending for Book Three, even though the ending has been uncovering itself for the past month.
Book One begins with me entering into what ended up being the most devastating heartbreak I had ever experienced. I take my reader through the journey of what healing codependency, addiction, and surrendering to a spiritual awakening looks like behind-the-scenes.
Three years ago, this three-book series was truly beginning to evolve. In February 2017, I went to a gong bath in Chicago. During that experience, I remember lying on my yoga mat, allowing the vibration of the gongs to pulse through my body. It was so transformative, I felt as though my body was being lifted off the mat.
In that moment, I had a profound experience where I silently said to God (an energy I still didn’t fully understand or have a true relationship with yet), “Take me. Have your way with me.” Ultimately, I sacrificed my life to God/Spirit/Source/Universe. I surrendered to my soul, completely unsure where it would lead me.
During that same meditation, I had a vision of myself and a man. It was not the man I had previously been in a relationship with and it was not a man I knew. His energy was different than anything I had experienced and as I walked out that night, I told the owner of the yoga studio, “I saw my soulmate.”
I don’t believe we have one soulmate, but I knew that man was a man I was meant to journey with in this lifetime.
Within the same month, I received the whisper of my soul, “Sell your stuff and hit the road. Travel full-time.” It didn’t make sense. I didn’t own a car and I wasn’t sure how my cats would feel about a life on the road.
Signs for California began to come in fast and furious, and I knew California would be an important part of my journey. Although many in my life began to ask questions such as, “Where in California? When will you go? How long will you be there?” I knew my journey wasn’t about California. It was about who I became on my way to California.
In July 2017, I sacrificed my entire life on an intuitive hit and a gut feeling. I let it all go with the belief that I would gain more than I ever lost.
The first two-thirds of my journey had very little to do with the vision of my partner and the energy I felt on that February night in Chicago.
Within the past year, I have been more focused on aligning with that vision. I have been healing the lingering deep-seated wounds of codependency, loss, and abandonment in order to show up and be the healthiest version of myself for my future partner. I healed trauma all while moving around full-time, as well as writing, editing, and releasing Book One.
In October 2019, I went through rapid-fire dating. Men left as quickly as they came in and even though each one showed multiple signs of the man I was looking for, no one chose to step up.
Each time I faced rejection and abandonment, I reunited myself with the comforting energy of my future partner. I felt him around me and I could see him (although he remained faceless) and hear him. He would tell me, “I’m grateful to all the men who left you because they drove you straight to me.”
Every time I wanted to leave Phoenix, something kept me here. Once I knew I was meant to meet someone here, I decided to surrender the timeline and stay until I met him.
In January, I met someone who embodied the list of qualities I have desired for years. He is the energy I went to for comfort years before meeting. He’s not what I expected and yet I see exactly how it all came together.
It is the first time I have ever not experienced fear around entering into a partnership with someone. It is the first time I have had a genuine desire to stay put in order to explore a connection.
The Journey of Letting It All Go had to end at some point. Book Three was destined to end.
My journey is not over. I am not giving up being a nomad. I am not rooting down forever. I am closing the book on one journey in order to begin a new one.
My next journey includes someone else, as I knew it would when I left the Midwest in October.
I had to let it all go in order to receive the life I only ever imagined of.