I’ve been back in Phoenix for less than a week and although I resisted coming back, it has been healing (as usual).
I think there’s something about being a fire sign (Aries) in the desert. As I was driving to meet a friend last night, the message came through me:
Put a fire sign in the desert, stoke the flame and see what happens. Watch the Phoenix rise, motherfuckers!
The way I got here was through unconditional faith and trust. Isn’t that what true faith and trust is though? Most people want to trust when it’s convenient. They want to trust when everything seems to be working out. That’s not true trust and faith. That’s conditional.
Conditional = fear.
Unconditional = love.
So, I had been in Utah for a couple nights. My final night, I pulled my atlas and pendulum back out to see where I was headed next. All of my moves while on the road are intuitively based. I follow my gut, regardless of “logic”. Logic gets us living the same life over and over again like Groundhog’s Day. Following our body, our gut/soul, leads us to a life beyond anything we could ever imagine. It leads us to the extraordinary.
The message came in: Phoenix.
A 9+ hour drive after long drives and short stays? No thank you. I decided to go to bed that night and hoped for a more “sensible” answer in the morning.
The next morning I woke up and less than 3 hours before getting ready to leave, I asked again.
I checked out the Airbnbs and although there was a place that could potentially work for me, it didn’t really excite me. I noticed my hesitation and resistance.
I decided to look at the 2 places I had stayed in Phoenix before. One was unavailable and the other appeared to be available but every time I tried to book it, I received an error message.
“What am I supposed to do?”
I had never done that before. I had never just gotten in the car and started driving in the direction I was being guided to without the confirmation of a place to stay.
Against all logic, I packed up my car and drove. The day of travel took me nearly 11 hours. By the time I got to Phoenix, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally.
On the way here, I learned that the reason I was getting an error message was because the house had been sold. My only option was a place in a suburb about 30 miles outside of Phoenix. I booked it 2 1/2 hours before arriving and when I got here, the code for my apartment wasn’t working the way it was being described in the listing. I ended up sitting in my car for 1 1/2 hours, trying to get ahold of my host and on the phone with Airbnb support.
Right in the middle of Airbnb trying to find a hotel for me that night, the host’s husband came home and helped me figure out the code. I was in!
Exhausted and annoyed as fuck, I had no clue why I was here.
“WTF God?! Why am I here? You told me to trust you and this is what I get?”
The next couple days, I had some very stern convos with God.
I hit hurdle after hurdle, closed door after closed door, and after taking my car in for an oil change, I learned my car would need a new timing belt.
After asking for help and working through an emotional shit storm of shame, I reflected on my way back from the dealer, “Why am I unwilling to give up this lifestyle? Some of the people closest to me are those who believe in me the least. I’ve been told I’m irresponsible and living a pipe dream, so why am I so stubborn, refusing to give up on my vision?”
I immediately started bawling.
I gave up my life for this.
That message didn’t come through as guilt or regret. It came in to remind me why I’d better not dare give up.
I gave up my life for this. I gave up my entire life to follow the ache of my soul. Giving up on myself after making the sacrifice of all sacrifices would be the biggest self betrayal ever.
Shortly after that, I received a message that brought me to tears. She began to remind me where she had come from – homeless – and how her life had shifted once she began learning from me.
“I started writing, something I always have done to bring me peace and one day I saw a video by this motivational young woman…you. You have such a gift. You are making an impact and changing people’s lives. Giving up is easy. I had so many opportunities. I fought. Fight.
Anne, your effect on those you teach or guide or mentor, even just speak to on a free phone call is powerful. You have so much to offer so many people out here. We all need you. You weren’t meant to go back to living a regular life, Anne. You’re extraordinary.”
Shortly after that, the miracles began to flood in.
Giving up is easy. Everyone does it when shit gets hard. When was the last time you had a vision so deep in your soul you were willing to give up your entire life for it?
Another friend reminded me last night, “Irresponsible dreaming is how new unique things are created!”
We wouldn’t have the evolution we experience in our world without people like us – the “irresponsible dreamers” – believing something better is possible.
I believe great reward requires great sacrifice. Creating the life of your dreams requires you to sacrifice your old one. And, when it looks like things aren’t working out just remember – the net always appears after the leap, never before.