For years I tried to avoid getting criticized because let’s be real, getting criticized fucking blows. No one loves to hear criticism from others, no matter where the criticism comes from.
What happened, though, was that I dimmed my light and hid who I was for a really long time to try and prevent it. People pleasing – have you heard of it?
I was a big fucking people pleaser. I thought the worst thing in life was for someone not to like me. I, like all of you, have all kinds of memories of not being liked. I have memories of being insulted and of course, those insults naturally hurt when we make them mean something about us.
But if you’re in the world of business, how do you work through criticism in a healthy way so that you don’t freeze up and shut down, not wanting to ever show up again?
You do the inner work.
For years I believed I was selfish and I struggled to sell because of all the times I had been told I was “manipulative”.
When we think of manipulative people we think of awful, dirty, harmful people, right?
The thing, though, is that many words only have the meaning we give them. And, as I began to really look at where these stories were coming from and if they were actually true about me, I realized not only were they not true but I could actually shift the meaning of the words being used to help me feel even better about myself.
Selfish – Why yes, I am selfish. I am a stickler for putting myself first because only by putting my body/mind/soul health first am I able to show and up and serve others in the way I feel called to. I work with way too many women who are not only “selfless” but have completely lost themselves and their passion for life. It’s no wonder we struggle to show up as our authentic, powerful selves when we are constantly doing what others are telling us we should be doing, right?
Being selfish about your physical, mental, and spiritual health is the best thing you could do for yourself, your family, your community, and the world! We need way more of us following who we actually came here to be (which is another reason I’ve totally been digging Human Design lately)!
Manipulative. This was a tough one. What does it mean to actually “manipulate”? Of course there are definitions with a negative connotation, but the opposite is also true. Not only did I look at the different definitions, but I also looked at synonyms. Two of the synonyms are – influence and guide. Two things I do really fucking well! I influence and then guide others to show up and do the internal work, helping them to become the best version of themselves in order to achieve the things they truly desire.
Here’s the thing – when you spend years doing the deep internal work and you cultivate a deep level of love for yourself you’ve never had before, you stop giving a shit about the opinions of those you simply don’t value. I have people in my life who genuinely know me, my heart, my mission, and how I have impacted the lives of others in a positive way.
Not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to like you either. You get to choose what you do with the criticism that comes hurling at you when you decide to be bold in who you are and what you’re here to do.
Here’s what I know – the truth always feels good. Always. “Truth hurts” is a bullshit lie. Sometimes we get truth bombs that hit us in the gut, but deep down we know they’re true and meant for us to grow. But, when you start to take on someone else’s beliefs which don’t feel good in your body, it’s not your truth. It might be theirs. They may feel really good about their perception of you, but never forget to ask yourself, “What could also be true?”
It can also be true (and is) that I am selfish about my love for myself and and help manipulate, influence, and guide others into the best version of themselves!