I never knew what it actually took to practice true faith. I thought it was a matter of shooting a half-assed prayer out to some being in the sky who decided whether I was “worthy” of having my prayer answered or not.
Very Santa Claus-ish. “Has Anne been good enough? Has she been applying what she’s learning? Does she deserve it? Does she need to learn more lessons?”
In fact, when I was in the depth of my shit while in Mississippi, I actually asked my mentor, “What’s the ratio of positive to negative thoughts I need to think in order to receive what I want?”
How very Virgo rising of me.
I wanted the formula. Give me a list of steps to follow and I’m on that shit. You feel me?
What I’ve learned about my relationship with God/Spirit/Universe/Source is that it requires balance, give and take, and extreme awareness.
Sounds like any other conscious relationship, huh?
Two years into my nomadic journey and I’m finally loosening my death grip on life. I’m finally learning what it takes to have true faith. What I know to be true is that faith is a conscious practice. It is not half-hearted hope. It’s not wishing upon a star.
I hear it all the time from many of you.
Once you slip into hope, you’re gonna end up staying in hope, never seeing the results you truly desire.
Just 4 days ago, I had less than $9 in my bank account and nowhere to stay. I had never had to practice my faith the way I’ve had to the last few days. When I left my Airbnb with no place to go, I knew it was time to practice true faith.
First, I released any resistance I had to sleeping in my car. It’s definitely not what I wanted, but I accepted it. I did the internal work to not make it mean anything about me if that was the outcome.
Then, I focused on what I wanted. I didn’t get super specific because at that point, I truly desired whatever was of the highest good. I wanted a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in.
My friend had points for me to stay in a hotel, but I didn’t even have enough money for the pet fees. The path of least resistance felt like receiving enough money to be able to accept a free hotel stay.
I knew I had people who “owed” me money (although obligation is another topic for another day) but it didn’t feel good to reach out to them asking when they were going to pay. I sat in my car, eating my hard-boiled eggs and carrots, trusting something was coming through for me. I affirmed from a place of knowing, instead of the typical energy of trying to convince my mind to believe something.
I found joy, gratitude, and appreciation in every single thing I could – big or small. Less than an hour after leaving my Airbnb, I had money come through, which ended up being enough to get gas, food, and cover the pet fees for a free hotel stay for the week! Not only that, but my hotel stay ended up being a king suite with a bomb ass balcony overlooking a river and mountains.
The next day, I reached out to my aunt who lives in Denver to let her know I was in her state. I shared that I din’t know if I was going east or north, but I would keep her in the loop. Within a matter of about 30 minutes, she had invited me to stay at her house for 2 weeks. As if by “magic”, everything was working out beautifully.
Then, the next morning she texted me to say that for reasons she completely forgot about, me actually staying at her place wouldn’t work.
Panic. Anxiety. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
Then? Faith. I knew that I wasn’t being punished. God wasn’t like, “Oh here’s another lesson.” I was simply being redirected, even though I had no clue why.
My typical way of handling a situation like this was to immediately try to fix the “problem”. I have learned over the years that reacting to the contrast and taking action in the energy of panic and anxiety only perpetuates that energy.
I shared with my aunt that I was unable to make decisions while experiencing anxiety and that I trusted it was all happening for some higher good. Then, I left.
I spent hours outside, exploring a neighboring town, and buying a book I came across in a used bookstore (one of my favorite things to do while in new places). All day I noticed my fear and worry, and I shifted each moment. “Everything has worked out this far. A solution is already on the way.”
And it was.
By the time I pulled into the parking lot to the hotel, I had a message from a friend I hadn’t actually met in person yet. “Do you need a place to stay?”
It was immediately settled. The next day, money flowed in to support my moment to moment needs and today, I sit here in gratitude for how easily everything has come together.
I didn’t wish for it.
I didn’t hope for it.
God/Source knew I had a need and then I stayed confidently calm, knowing a solution was on the way.
And it was.