Allow me to reintroduce myself:
My journey has felt like a long, winding, never ending road. Just when I think I know the direction my life is taking me, the script gets flipped again. If you’ve been with me this whole time, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re new to me, welcome!
My professional career began by working with children. I received my Bachelors in Special Education and Masters in Early Childhood Education from the University of Florida. I was a First grade teacher in Florida and Texas, then ended as a Kindergarten teacher in Chicago in 2013 when my teaching career was brought to a halt due to school closures.
When my public school teaching career ended, I decided to bring my early childhood gifts into the homes of families by becoming a nanny. While nannying, I decided I never again wanted someone to tell me whether or not I had a job and how much money I could make. That was when my entrepreneur light was lit. My first business was an individualized meal planning business, which I mostly worked on while the infants I cared for were napping. From there, health and wellness coaching fell into my lap through the avenue of network marketing.
In 2014, I became a Beachbody coach and that’s when all kinds of things began to shift. Through personal development, I began to dip my toes into spiritual development, beginning with books such as You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage at the time and although I considered myself to be more agnostic, I began to wonder what else the Universe had in store for me. I received a few tarot readings from a friend who confirmed it was of my highest good to leave my marriage and all my personal development books were beginning to strengthen the idea of, “I am worthy and deserving of more.”
I moved out and got divorced in 2015, relying almost solely on my business income and was soaring to the top .01% of Beachbody, implementing all the tools and techniques I was being taught (aka duplication). I was so focused on rank advancements and making tons of money, I didn’t have time to realize I was burning out at the end of every month due to stressing over all the monthly goals I had set, needing days at the beginning of every month to rest.
In December 2015, I met the man I wrote about in Radical Rebirth, who began challenging everything I believed to be true about myself. When our relationship began to hit challenges, I turned to hiring my first coach and embraced my new spiritual journey, beginning with Richard Rohr and Rob Bell, as well as Marianne Williamson and Gabby Bernstein. My journey began with a mix of progressive Christianity and New Age spirituality. At the same time I was evolving spiritually, I was adding 1:1 coaching into my services, in addition to my network marketing business.
Having grown up in the church with my dad as my minister, I spent my entire life rejecting everything having to do with God, Jesus, or Christianity. Yet as my relationship began to crumble around me, there was something within me that couldn’t help but call out for God. While my partner at the time was overseas for an internship, I was on my bathroom floor, sobbing, praying to a God I didn’t have a relationship with. I prayed for something to love me when I didn’t know how to love myself.
As that relationship was ending, before he moved out he said to me, “If the only reason I was in your life was to introduce you to God, then I did my job.” That was the beginning of my true anger towards God. I was pissed that God sent such a wonderful, loving man into my life only to take him away just so I could know God existed. It felt like some kind of sick game.
In February 2017, while at a gong bath at a local yoga studio in Chicago, blissed out and feeling like I was levitating off my yoga mat, I surrendered my life to God. “God, use me,” were my exact thoughts and that’s when my life took its first hard turn. Next, I received the nudge to sell nearly everything I owned in my 2-bedroom apartment to travel full-time with my two cats. I traveled for three years (July 2017 – July 2020) as an intuitive nomad.
During that time, I strengthened my intuition and channeling abilities, as well as started incorporating oracle and tarot readings into my work with clients. I was all over the map with how I branded myself— life coach, spiritual mindset coach, network marketing coach, revolutionary business coach, intuitive business consultant, practical spirituality mentor, shadow worker, writing mentor, etc. You name it, I probably branded myself as it. In 2018, I finally started writing Radical Rebirth, which was then published in 2020.
As my intuitive nomadic journey was coming to a close, I began to get the pull towards the Bible. It made absolutely no sense, given my history with rejecting religion and I was perfectly content in the world of New Age and metaphysics, except for the biggest factor— something wasn’t right.
My business never fully flourished. I would have months with lots of income and months with barely anything. I was doing everything (if not more) than my peers and had more personal experience with everything I was coaching than many of them and yet, they appeared to be thriving and I was not. I had “removed blocks”, “raised my vibe”, “focused on what I wanted versus what I didn’t want”, and was living everything I was teaching. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. I couldn’t explain it and neither could the coaches I hired to work with. I did everything they told me and every time I would hire someone to help me with my business, my business would plummet.
In January 2021, I fully committed to reading the Bible every morning and very quickly was guided to get rid of any spiritual paraphernalia and go full on Christian, which terrified me more than anything. I thought of all the Christian stereotypes and the last thing I wanted to be was a Bible thumping, Jesus freak. Yet, I couldn’t deny my desire to have my own relationship with Jesus and not just what others had told me. Against all logical sense, I stepped fully onto my path with Jesus and that’s when everything was stripped from me.
Any clients I had (aside from family members) canceled and client prospects I had before announcing my Christian path told me I wasn’t the right fit for them. Not only that, but some of my podcast interviews (me being interviewed) canceled last minute because I was no longer “a good fit” for their audience. God stripped me of everything I had been building for the past 7 years, while also bringing in new friendships, support systems, and opportunities.
With that also came spiritual warfare and demonic attacks. The first few months of my Christian walk has felt like a consistent two steps forward, one step back. Most days I’ve been in the dark, unsure of exactly where I’m headed, but it’s also cultivated a level of faith and trust in God I simply never had before.
God has shown me why nothing worked before. He was protecting me. You know that meme that says, “I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved. -Universe”? That’s basically what God has shared with me, “I couldn’t allow you to be successful building a counterfeit version because you never would have walked away from that path.” He loved me too much to allow me to create something that simply wasn’t sustainable and would have continued to lead me to dead ends. That path was going to keep me selling my soul for worldly riches.
I’m not against making money. Obviously, money is necessary for this life. I could just no longer do things for money. I was tired of the rat race, the high end ticket coaching, and the egotistical “look at me and the life I’ve built” world.
I’m choosing to use my God-given gifts— writing, speaking, and teaching/mentorship— however God wants them to be used.
This is what full surrender looks like— giving it all up and admitting I don’t have all the answers, nor do I deserve all the credit.