Letter from the Author
To my reader:
I knew in 2016 this book was meant to come through me. I was in the process of such a deep transformation and had never felt so alone in my life. I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only one going through a spiritual transformation without knowing what to expect. I didn’t know at the time why my story felt so difficult to write. Every time I sat down to write the book, it felt painful and premature. I feared the story would never come out. I feared I would die with my story still within me, but what I have learned over the past three years was I wasn’t done experiencing what I needed to experience in order to see the bigger picture of what I was meant to share with you.
This is the first book of three. This is where it begins—becoming aware of and deconstructing your Ego/subconscious beliefs. Many teachers in the spiritual community teach that Ego is this deep, dark, negative thing that needs to be destroyed. What I have learned, and what I hope you’ll understand from me sharing my journey, is that our Ego is simply a wounded inner child who needs to be heard, valued, and loved unconditionally.
She/he/they are there to show us the pieces of ourselves we have been ignoring for far too long. There is value in the struggle, contrast, pain, and WTF moments. Our Ego, when we take the time to really pay attention, is not only trying to protect us but will help nudge us to where our soul is trying to lead us.
Far too many of us build a life based on illusions and expectations of others instead of listening to what our authentic desires are. When we finally allow the things that are trying to fall apart to crumble around us, we finally see we never actually wanted the things that are being cleared away. That false sense of security was never all that secure to begin with.
Whether you’re in the midst of chaos right now or have been trying to avoid it for years, I hope my story sheds some light on trusting that everything is always working out for you even in the moments when it doesn’t feel like it. I desire for my story to give you confidence in knowing that when everything seems to be falling apart, it simply means that your path is coming together perfectly. Trust and keep going.
Like so many women out there, I spent my entire life looking for love, acceptance, and validation outside of myself. I had a fire in my belly, knowing I was meant for more, and yet I was crippled by the belief, “I’m difficult to love and easy to leave.” I viewed myself as a woman whom others left, which continuously fed the belief that I was unworthy.
I believed that as long as I strived for the life of marriage and kids, I would finally find the happiness and security I was searching for and saw others living. The first moment I began to question those beliefs was when I lost my “safe, secure” teaching career due to school closures. Shortly after that, with a new and still unstable business, I found the strength to leave my verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. I remember spending countless nights falling asleep next to my husband, envisioning a life that didn’t include him.
My story takes the reader through a journey that so many of us spend our entire lives trying to avoid. In the spiritual community, it’s called The Dark Night of the Soul. To those outside the journey, it resembles depression. As I transformed from the woman I used to be to the woman I am now I went from wondering if I was crazy to knowing it was all happening for a much larger purpose.
There are multiple stories within one, all intertwining into one main message—no matter what appears to be happening in our lives, we always have the power to rebuild our lives starting from the inside out. My entrepreneurial journey evolved from health and wellness coaching to spiritual mindset coaching. My spiritual journey evolved from zero belief in any higher power to total surrender, selling everything in my two bedroom apartment in order to live a life on the road (with my two cats), following the whisper of my soul. My relationship status evolved from married to divorced, then in the “perfect” relationship to sabotaging it through codependent behaviors, to finally healing my deep-seated wounds in order to find an unconditional love for myself.
My story embodies the struggles every woman experiences but too many fear talking about. It addresses fear, shame, jealousy, neediness, and addiction to food and alcohol. As women, we spend much of our lives comparing ourselves to other women. We view women as a threat because they appear to be prettier, smarter, more successful, thinner, etc. Behind closed doors, we spend our days beating ourselves up, trying to find the thing that will finally make us feel worthy and lovable.
We were never taught how to truly love ourselves and the profound impact that has on our lives once we finally learn how. For months, I worked with a coach who told me, “Anne, you need to love yourself.” On an intellectual level, I understood the importance of it, and yet it felt like he was speaking a foreign language to me. At the time, I felt like I needed a step-by-step manual, which later became the inspiration for this book. It’s a tangible story every woman can relate to, guiding them through the process of what the journey from codependency to unconditional self-love actually looks like.
This is the first book of a three-book series. This book lays the foundation of peeling off the layers of old beliefs programmed from childhood. It is the first step in the awareness of who we came here to be. It begins to answer the question, “Who am I?” so that we may begin to ask the next question, “Why am I here?” I believe it is a necessary piece of work in this time within a massive spiritual awakening.
There are many authors, teachers, and mentors out there sharing the message, “You can do, be, and have anything you want.” Very few are actually teaching how to do that. Even fewer are showing in a raw, real, vulnerable way what the process actually looks like behind closed doors. My story does exactly that.
By becoming a donor, you are not only helping the dreams of a once little girl who used to hole herself up in her room writing, but you are also helping someone else see themselves in my story in order to not feel so alone.
All donations help Radical Rebirth continue to circulate, as well as help me continue to focus on the writing, editing, and publishing of books 2 and 3 for those who are ready for the next stage of their awakening process.
“I am a 44 year old male who is not a big reader. As I started the first chapter, I found myself hooked. I couldn’t wait to see what happened next. The way the writer presented herself was very relatable. I could picture myself in her shoes going through the exact same emotions. I could picture every little detail that was described, as if I was living through the emotion with the writer. I found that this book came into my life at the right time and helped me understand everything that goes on in my head. The description of the ego and how the ego can cause anxiety, depression, racing thoughts, and always thinking of the worst case scenario first was mind blowing. I never heard of the ego described this way, and it helped me understand myself and why I think, feel, and react differently in certain situations.
This book made me realize that we are not alone when it comes to trying to understand ourselves. If you are trying to understand why you react to situations differently or more emotionally than how others seem to, and you want to find a way to overcome the extreme reactions, then I highly recommend this book. This book will give you the clarity and the calmness needed to find yourself again.”
“Anne speaks out through her raw undiluted soul and takes us through the dark nights of her soul while giving us glimpses of joy and hope along the way! Reminding us all to keep going, to keep awakening on our life’s journey!”